Obsessive Compulsive Disorder :: Never Be Happy And Carefree Again?
Apr 30, 2015
Does anyone else worry they'll never be happy and carefree again? I look at other people who live normal lives (at least what it looks like) and are happy, and I'm so envious. I know everyone has their problems, but it seems like having to deal with these thoughts ALL THE TIME this is on another level. It's like you're trapped in your own mind. I am so scared I'll never be free of this.
I just want to be happy and excited about life, and I'm so far from that. I dread having to deal with this forever. All I can think is, I have a long road of hardship ahead of me for the rest of my life, and this is how life is. No one should live like that.
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*I might see a movie with people sitting in a car or a restaurant and I feel like I might be sitting there with them (I know I'm not) but I can imagine the amount of lighting in the room or objects.
*I read a person said he felt he was slipping further out of reality, and then I got a image in my mind of my brain or head going backwards or doubling out of reality. It keeps popping up and bothering me and Im scared that every second of the day I'm slowly slipping out of sanity or getting further out of reality.
*I feel like my thinking is a cube (it's really weird). I don't know how to describe it but I was feeling really anxious and all of a sudden I got this weird sensation as if my mind was a cube (stuck, anxious, scared) I have a sensation that there is a box in my head and my mind is stuck in it, is this anxiety?
I was diagnosed with OCD but I am scared its something else because my OCD and anxiety cause really weird thoughts. Please help I don't know how much longer I can go..
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I don't know if I am alone in this fear but for quite some years, I have been transfixed on the idea that I have HIV. There are good periods but then there are times when it utterly consumes me.
I have had unprotected encounters (or should I say encounter) some years ago and that is what triggered my anxiety over the disease. During this time, I have had two full STDs tests including HIV and they both have come back negative and each were when I was out of the window period.
I guess my question is, is there a chance that I could still have HIV? Perhaps the tests were done wrong both times and I got a false-negative test back each time. Do I need to go and have another test just to confirm that I do not have the disease?
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I'm 20 years old female. I remember when I was 11 years old I was absolutely scared of sleeping on my own because I thought I would get possessed or a I would see a ghost. I would get paranoid when it was getting late because I knew I would have to sleep on my own even though my brothers bed was right next to mine I was still scared and I would beg my brother to sleep with me. I would constantly be scarred and I just could sleep on my own for about 2 or 3 years where my obsession just ended. This obsession was triggered when watching a scary movie I never knew it was OCD I'm still not sure if that's the case?
But after that I was scared of growing taller I don't know why I just didn't wanna be tall I would measure myself everyday and write letters to God and begged him that I wouldn't grow taller. This obsession lasted about a year or two.
When I was 17 I had a spot on my forehead i became depressed for some reason I would look at people's faces n compare them to mine I would google celebrities that have spots to make myself feel better I wouldn't let anyone touch my face for about a year or two even after the spot was gone.
A couple of months later for some reason I don't know if it was stress or I didn't have enough vitamins in me I started loosing hair it wasn't really bad but I got obsessed about my hair I wouldn't constantly check my hair thickness, I kept pulling them out to see how much hair has fallen out I would literally count them, I would ask my friends if this was normal or if they ever had a hair loss. Then my friends hair started falling out due to stress and I felt better I stopped obsessing about my hair they completely stopped falling out. I would still check and check and google I even started saving money up to get a hair transplant. Then my friends hair went back to normal and I started obsessing again constantly checking if my hair wa stalking out constantly pulling them out crying and just going crazy. I then had an obsession about my looks I kept comparing my hair my face to celebrities and if I saw a girl that's prettier than me I would get depressed I even hit myself for not being as pretty, j started doing exercises for my face I promised myself I would get a surgery done when I save up. I started wearing a lot of make up and would never show my face without it. I even had dreams where I felt weird because I had no make up on in public. At that time j had a boyfriend I was really obsessed about guys n the only reason I wanted to be pretty was because I wanted guys to like me and want me. I never figured out that I had OCD I have always had anxiety because j would I get really stress out when talking to strangers or even people in my class. Anyway one day I get really high smoking weed and I had a weird thought that popped into my head which was ( why am I here ) i started obsessing about my existence I was scared that I have lose my memory I would I wake up every single damn day feeling the same way with the same thoughts in my head, I kept questioning if I'm really alive or dead or if I'm in a comma and this is just a dream or my imagination. I was scared that I have lost my identity I just felt awful I had depression I just didn't wanna be alive anymore I kept obsessing n obsessing I kept asking for reassurance j kept googling always on my phone looking for answers I thought I was crazy every time I Heard people saying crazy or mental I would spike and get anxiety attacks I would get the every single morning for the past few months. I was obsessing about my hair and me being crazy at the same time I just didn't feel the same at all I couldn't feel emotions towards my family. The only emotions j could feel was towards my boyfriend I loved him with all of my heart he was my everything. After 6/7 months or maybe 8 I was doing really well I kept fearing that I was loosing my memory but I wasn't too bothered I just thought it's the thoughts that are making me feel crazy so I just ignored them as I was rok tired to fight them and analyse them. While I was going through that obsession I was at home all the time I couldn't think straight and some one mention it would be a good idea if I took my kind of it while watching porn so I did. I was sexually active at a young age. anyway I started off with straight porn then I moved onto different types of porn weird n disgusting but after I got bored of normal porn j would move on to weird things. My sex drive was really high for some reason I was constantly thinking about sex I would have sex with my boyfriend about 4/5 times a day but not everyday. I then started watching lesbian porn I don't know why I just did straight porn didn't work on my anymore I watched that and some other disgusting thing that I'm too smashed me to talk about. I was watching porn up to 5 times a day sometimes, and every night before I went to sleep. I kind of got over my obsession but then my brain was looking for something else to obsess about, when I was going through my obsession I slept with another guy I just didn't know how to cope with my brain I though if I do it maybe my obsession will just vanish and so I could take my mind of it. It worked after I realised what I have done i felt horrible I went back to my boyfriend and j couldn't stop obsessing about the fact what I have done it just wouldn't leave my mind it was there 24/7 I would Keep checking my facebook before my boyfriend woke up. Just incase that guy msged me I kind of got over it because I thought my boyfriend wasn't even there for me while I was having such a horrible time. But then my brain kept looking for something else to obsess about then I started obsessing about the fact that I have slept with more than 19 guys n I never told my boyfriend I just kept obsessing and even though I didn't wanna thing about it it was always in my head it was so annoying I was literally going crazy couldn't sleep after a few weeks I pushed the thiughts aside and j literally forgot how many people I slept with. I was still watching a lot of porn at the time, but I felt like my sex drive wasn't as strong as it was before? I then started imagining things in my head while having sex with my boyfriend they were sort if disturbing but they made me climax.... I had fantasies that I was having sex with his friend instead of my boyfriend. I would have the same fantasy before going to sleep and had dreams about that person, I still loved my boyfriend more than any nothing. But I didn't know what was going on with my sex drive.
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My nephew has been diagnosed with OCD, which started about a year ago and has got steadily worse. He has to count to a certain number before taking clothes off and can sometimes put them back on to make sure he counted correctly, clothes have to be laid out just so, so dressing takes forever, he also gets stuck in rooms not able to move, it's quite frightening. His psychiatrist has put him on a pill and therapy, of which he has only had one session in 3 weeks, and his mother is paying for it!
Surely this can't be right, what other treatments are out there, would hypnosis be any good, it's very distressing. He is 17.
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So I've had problems with anxiety for years but the past months I've had problems with my breathing. Basically I became so obsessed over it that I started feeling like I have to take every breathe myself (manually).
I can just about deal with all of my other anxiety symptoms except this one. It makes me feel like there's something else wrong and I'm going to die.
I mentioned it to my doctor and he said he's never heard anything like it before. I also mentioned sensorimotor OCD and he didn't really care, he said he'd look into a therapist for me. That was 8 or so weeks ago and I've still not heard, I've rang up countless times and am no further forward.
So my question is, does anyone else with anxiety have this? Does anyone suffer with sensorimotor OCD that has tips for me?
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Basically, it seemed like it was at first then it just stopped, for ages (months) and it made me miserable because I was doing everything I could right, which was very difficult for me because I have an eating disorder. When I realised nothing was happening after all that hard work, combined with stress and misery (i have bpd and an anxiety disorder on top of the ed) I ended binging repeatedly. So in the end I just gained weight.
What do I do now? I've been trying so hard for the past year, exercise healthy eating instead of starving myself like i would usually resort to, and then orlistat. and then there was barely any difference in the end. I've now gained 10lbs from my start weight.
Is there any option after Orlistat, medication wise. I don't really want to contact my doctor until I know this as I'm embarrassed but I couldn't find any information online. I'm not heavy enough for a gastric band and I don't think that would necessarily even help me as it wasn't overeating that was the problem.
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I was originally diagnosed in 2010. I have recently been told I have a urinary infection, but apart from the fact that two lots of antibiotics don't seem to be working, all my symptoms relate to this, especially an irregular heartbeat and confusion.
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Since tuesday I woke up and it hurt when I went to the toilet and I managed to go but I think its made it really really sore and I've felt like I really need to go since then but it just hurts too much everytime I try to push. Please don't say to eat fibre because that's not what the problem is, I think it was caused by stress, but now its so sore I don't know what to do it hasn't even felt better over two nights.
please help, should I still eat? I feel like I don't want to eat incase it just builds up, I don't know what to do I'm uncomfortable because I want to go but it hurts to much when I try.
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I'm 19 years old and is it normal to have Hemorrhoids ? ? I noticed a lump at the anal verge like an year ago . So does everyone has it ?
Or does normally hemorrhoidal cannot be seen since they must first swell and become inflamed or develop a clot to cause problems ?
So at first i thought it was normal to have this lump since it didn't cause any problems . Therefore i didn't bother about it . Even now i don't have any problem with it. It doesn't pain or bleed . Although it does itch sometimes. But irritation goes away soon. I'm really worried about it.
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First apologise for spelling and grammar I'm dyslexic.
I first decided to come off lithium because of wanting a child . I was now with a man I'm crazy In Love with and about to be married this summer .
Also found out though blood test the lithium was causing low kidney function to my one kidney.
Coming off was a breeze until a week after my last dose. My chest is so tight with anxiety I feel like I murdered someone and I'm running for life .
Massive sense of guilt & fear and panic. I'm not dealing well with anything.
The only thing that makes me happy and at ease is Richards unconditional love . And planning my wedding . Started a new job and may get fired due to my anxiety and hecticness . I'm all over the place racing thought . Clumsy can't remember anything . I was a fashion designer for many years now I've gone into teaching . And it's my first real course I'll be teaching .
Waiting to see my therapist again in a few weeks but this has had such a domino effect on me . I'm also not sleeping ! Two three hours if I'm lucky .
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Lately I've been taking lithium (this will be week 3) I finally feel I am sort of seeing a difference. I can actually think now, understand things a little better, and overall I'm feeling good. But I need to know is lithium supposed to make your moods go up and down while you are still getting used to the meds? For examp. last week (which was wk 2) I was completely manic in front of my stupid coworkers. I had no idea until I was sitting on the bus to go home. Also I've been switching moods. Like from depression to mania....
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I'm new here but from what I've read I'm probably far from the first person to post about this. I'm just looking for other peoples advice/experience to help calm my nerves.
About me, I am male and 25 yo average weight/height.
For the past few months I've been having some bowel problems. Starting around October last year I began having on and off issues with some slight indigestion and small amounts of bright red blood when I had a BM. These issues would come and go. I had a small issue similar to this in 2014 and had a colonoscopy performed to check. The test didn't find anything out of the ordinary. In November of last year I had a Flexible Sigmoidoscopy performed due to the recent issues. This test came back saying that I had internal hemorrhoids but nothing else. I didn't do much to treat them and just sort of hoped they'd go away.
The mild issues continued until about late January/early February when I was hit with a week long bout of indigestion, excess gas etc. As these issues continued the bleeding ramped up until I was seeing bright red blood staining the toilet bowel each time I had a BM. It didn't seem like an immense amount of blood but it was enough to tint the water and toilet paper red. Due to these issues I went back to GI doctor around the second week of February. He did an examination with his hand and noted that I had internal hemmies and slight inflammation. He pointed this out as the most likely cause of the bleeding given the results of my previous tests. He recommended I start taking Konsyl fiber supplement and Preparation H suppositories.
After starting with the suppositories the indigestion and excess gas went away as well as the excess blood. My usual BM schedule resumed (1/day). Since then however I still see small streaks of what looks like bright red blood with each BM. Some days are not as bad as others but it seems like there is always a small amount of blood there. I've also had an intense itching sensation down there that would come and go every once in a while. Like I said before for the last 2 months I've been going at the same rate and the stool consistency is normal. I don't seem to have any excessive pain or weight loss.
My main question is for anyone who has had hemorrhoids. Can bleeding last this long? One thing I've noticed is that I seem to have fairly large/hard stools which I think may be causing trouble. I wouldn't call it constipation exactly just that the stools are large/dry and often require some light straining to expel. I also work a desk job and have a 2 hour daily driving commute. I've recently bought a seat cushion for my chair and car with hopes that it will help.
I'm sorry for the wall of text. I want to get past this but I am an extremely anxious person and this bleed issue is ruining me. I'm scheduled for a follow up with my GI in 2 weeks and am getting the sinking feeling that I'm in for another colonoscopy.
P.S. I've also had an abdomen CT scan in early 2015 due to a separate issue. No problems were found.
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I have been diagnosed with bipolar for 8 years now and have been on Lamictal and Risperidone at different mg's. Just this week I have gone through one of my manic stages and my wife has said that is enough for her. She is asking that I leave the home we built together and the children we raised. I have no idea how to handle this. I am on the backend of my cycle however I know the level of regret I will have once I'm completely. Am i the only one that this disease has affected everyone around them? I feel alone and truly have no one to confide in.
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I have a brother with paranoid personality disorder. He was always paranoid as long as I remember. I am 6 years younger then him. Every time when I tried to speak with him he was suspicious about my attentions, it can be rather annoying. But I restrain myself because I am aware of his situation. Since our parents have died he became impossible to talk with. What should I do?
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I just wanted to know if Bipolar is genetic. My was recently told that my grandad is bipolar and wondered if I was to as I believe I have some sort of mental problem. I don't really know much about bipolar and be good to learn about it also, not just from reading books and websites but from people who actually experience it themselves or with other people.
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Anyone out there have problems w/ the sphincter? Like "leakage"?
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I'm 21 years old with a 2 year old daughter for starters. And I have been dealing with anxiety and depression totally unmedicated for about 3 years. It recently has gotten so bad that I don't even want to get out of bed, I can't make it through an 8 hour shift where I work (at a plastic factory) without wanting to breakdown. I'm trying really hard to do it myself by drinking green tea, positive thinking, taking vitamins, and small meditation breathing counting techniques. But I fear that it's not helping as much as I need it to and I feel like it is really taking a toll on every aspect of my life.
My mom really encourages me to speak to a therapist and get on medication, but I can't stop seeing that as the easy way out and I just don't like the feeling of having someone listening to my problems knowing that they have their life together enough it makes me feel really weak and vulnerable. But things are looking pretty bleak and I don't know if I have the energy or strength to keep going like this, something's gotta give.
So I was also just wondering
1 what a therapist would do for me, what a visit would be like
2 are there any medications that will uplift my mood but without any negative side effects such as insomnia, numb feeling, worsening my depression.
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I struggle with anxiety and it is so much worse during pregnancy!
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Is there a blood test that is done to determine if someone has Autoimmune disorder?
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So I have had an issue with fissures in the past, due to being on pain meds for pancreatitis for months and cooccurrent constipation. I have already had one surgery to heal the fissure, and it seemed to work. So when I started have that same burning pain when I had a BM I assumed that was what it was. I became really used to it, and it went on for a LONG time. Flash forward to now. I noticed a couple weeks back what looked like pus on my toilet paper when I wiped after urinating, and was freaked out. I pushed on the area near my anus and more pus came out. I assumed my fissure got infected somehow and left it alone. It happened again, this time I was home so I grabbed a hand mirror and looked down there. I saw a bloody spot that was leaking blood slowly about 1 inch from my anus, and I freaked out. I had NO idea what it was, so I googled it and looks like it may be a fistula. It seems to "close up" and go away for a while, then I can smell something and when I go the bathroom I am leaking a little bit of blood/pus from the hole. Seems to happen randomly, its opening doesn't seem to have any correlation with when I have a BM and BM's aren't bloody typically. I have been using anti bacterial soap down there frequently now and I can feel what feels like a ridge under the skin running from the hole to my anus if that makes any sense?
I am completely embarrassed. I am 28 years old and a female, someone who doesn't even leave the house without makeup and this situation is so bad. It smells, I feel like I smell 24/7 (nobody has mentioned it but I feel like I do) and I am almost too embarrassed to go to the doctor. Doesn't help that I am overweight, and though I am meticulously clean (I even use a bidet) I feel like somehow the doctor will judge me as a gross fat girl.
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