Obsessive Compulsive Disorder :: HIV Anxiety / Phobia
Mar 2, 2016
I don't know if I am alone in this fear but for quite some years, I have been transfixed on the idea that I have HIV. There are good periods but then there are times when it utterly consumes me.
I have had unprotected encounters (or should I say encounter) some years ago and that is what triggered my anxiety over the disease. During this time, I have had two full STDs tests including HIV and they both have come back negative and each were when I was out of the window period.
I guess my question is, is there a chance that I could still have HIV? Perhaps the tests were done wrong both times and I got a false-negative test back each time. Do I need to go and have another test just to confirm that I do not have the disease?
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Does anyone else worry they'll never be happy and carefree again? I look at other people who live normal lives (at least what it looks like) and are happy, and I'm so envious. I know everyone has their problems, but it seems like having to deal with these thoughts ALL THE TIME this is on another level. It's like you're trapped in your own mind. I am so scared I'll never be free of this.
I just want to be happy and excited about life, and I'm so far from that. I dread having to deal with this forever. All I can think is, I have a long road of hardship ahead of me for the rest of my life, and this is how life is. No one should live like that.
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*I might see a movie with people sitting in a car or a restaurant and I feel like I might be sitting there with them (I know I'm not) but I can imagine the amount of lighting in the room or objects.
*I read a person said he felt he was slipping further out of reality, and then I got a image in my mind of my brain or head going backwards or doubling out of reality. It keeps popping up and bothering me and Im scared that every second of the day I'm slowly slipping out of sanity or getting further out of reality.
*I feel like my thinking is a cube (it's really weird). I don't know how to describe it but I was feeling really anxious and all of a sudden I got this weird sensation as if my mind was a cube (stuck, anxious, scared) I have a sensation that there is a box in my head and my mind is stuck in it, is this anxiety?
I was diagnosed with OCD but I am scared its something else because my OCD and anxiety cause really weird thoughts. Please help I don't know how much longer I can go..
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I'm 20 years old female. I remember when I was 11 years old I was absolutely scared of sleeping on my own because I thought I would get possessed or a I would see a ghost. I would get paranoid when it was getting late because I knew I would have to sleep on my own even though my brothers bed was right next to mine I was still scared and I would beg my brother to sleep with me. I would constantly be scarred and I just could sleep on my own for about 2 or 3 years where my obsession just ended. This obsession was triggered when watching a scary movie I never knew it was OCD I'm still not sure if that's the case?
But after that I was scared of growing taller I don't know why I just didn't wanna be tall I would measure myself everyday and write letters to God and begged him that I wouldn't grow taller. This obsession lasted about a year or two.
When I was 17 I had a spot on my forehead i became depressed for some reason I would look at people's faces n compare them to mine I would google celebrities that have spots to make myself feel better I wouldn't let anyone touch my face for about a year or two even after the spot was gone.
A couple of months later for some reason I don't know if it was stress or I didn't have enough vitamins in me I started loosing hair it wasn't really bad but I got obsessed about my hair I wouldn't constantly check my hair thickness, I kept pulling them out to see how much hair has fallen out I would literally count them, I would ask my friends if this was normal or if they ever had a hair loss. Then my friends hair started falling out due to stress and I felt better I stopped obsessing about my hair they completely stopped falling out. I would still check and check and google I even started saving money up to get a hair transplant. Then my friends hair went back to normal and I started obsessing again constantly checking if my hair wa stalking out constantly pulling them out crying and just going crazy. I then had an obsession about my looks I kept comparing my hair my face to celebrities and if I saw a girl that's prettier than me I would get depressed I even hit myself for not being as pretty, j started doing exercises for my face I promised myself I would get a surgery done when I save up. I started wearing a lot of make up and would never show my face without it. I even had dreams where I felt weird because I had no make up on in public. At that time j had a boyfriend I was really obsessed about guys n the only reason I wanted to be pretty was because I wanted guys to like me and want me. I never figured out that I had OCD I have always had anxiety because j would I get really stress out when talking to strangers or even people in my class. Anyway one day I get really high smoking weed and I had a weird thought that popped into my head which was ( why am I here ) i started obsessing about my existence I was scared that I have lose my memory I would I wake up every single damn day feeling the same way with the same thoughts in my head, I kept questioning if I'm really alive or dead or if I'm in a comma and this is just a dream or my imagination. I was scared that I have lost my identity I just felt awful I had depression I just didn't wanna be alive anymore I kept obsessing n obsessing I kept asking for reassurance j kept googling always on my phone looking for answers I thought I was crazy every time I Heard people saying crazy or mental I would spike and get anxiety attacks I would get the every single morning for the past few months. I was obsessing about my hair and me being crazy at the same time I just didn't feel the same at all I couldn't feel emotions towards my family. The only emotions j could feel was towards my boyfriend I loved him with all of my heart he was my everything. After 6/7 months or maybe 8 I was doing really well I kept fearing that I was loosing my memory but I wasn't too bothered I just thought it's the thoughts that are making me feel crazy so I just ignored them as I was rok tired to fight them and analyse them. While I was going through that obsession I was at home all the time I couldn't think straight and some one mention it would be a good idea if I took my kind of it while watching porn so I did. I was sexually active at a young age. anyway I started off with straight porn then I moved onto different types of porn weird n disgusting but after I got bored of normal porn j would move on to weird things. My sex drive was really high for some reason I was constantly thinking about sex I would have sex with my boyfriend about 4/5 times a day but not everyday. I then started watching lesbian porn I don't know why I just did straight porn didn't work on my anymore I watched that and some other disgusting thing that I'm too smashed me to talk about. I was watching porn up to 5 times a day sometimes, and every night before I went to sleep. I kind of got over my obsession but then my brain was looking for something else to obsess about, when I was going through my obsession I slept with another guy I just didn't know how to cope with my brain I though if I do it maybe my obsession will just vanish and so I could take my mind of it. It worked after I realised what I have done i felt horrible I went back to my boyfriend and j couldn't stop obsessing about the fact what I have done it just wouldn't leave my mind it was there 24/7 I would Keep checking my facebook before my boyfriend woke up. Just incase that guy msged me I kind of got over it because I thought my boyfriend wasn't even there for me while I was having such a horrible time. But then my brain kept looking for something else to obsess about then I started obsessing about the fact that I have slept with more than 19 guys n I never told my boyfriend I just kept obsessing and even though I didn't wanna thing about it it was always in my head it was so annoying I was literally going crazy couldn't sleep after a few weeks I pushed the thiughts aside and j literally forgot how many people I slept with. I was still watching a lot of porn at the time, but I felt like my sex drive wasn't as strong as it was before? I then started imagining things in my head while having sex with my boyfriend they were sort if disturbing but they made me climax.... I had fantasies that I was having sex with his friend instead of my boyfriend. I would have the same fantasy before going to sleep and had dreams about that person, I still loved my boyfriend more than any nothing. But I didn't know what was going on with my sex drive.
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My nephew has been diagnosed with OCD, which started about a year ago and has got steadily worse. He has to count to a certain number before taking clothes off and can sometimes put them back on to make sure he counted correctly, clothes have to be laid out just so, so dressing takes forever, he also gets stuck in rooms not able to move, it's quite frightening. His psychiatrist has put him on a pill and therapy, of which he has only had one session in 3 weeks, and his mother is paying for it!
Surely this can't be right, what other treatments are out there, would hypnosis be any good, it's very distressing. He is 17.
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So I've had problems with anxiety for years but the past months I've had problems with my breathing. Basically I became so obsessed over it that I started feeling like I have to take every breathe myself (manually).
I can just about deal with all of my other anxiety symptoms except this one. It makes me feel like there's something else wrong and I'm going to die.
I mentioned it to my doctor and he said he's never heard anything like it before. I also mentioned sensorimotor OCD and he didn't really care, he said he'd look into a therapist for me. That was 8 or so weeks ago and I've still not heard, I've rang up countless times and am no further forward.
So my question is, does anyone else with anxiety have this? Does anyone suffer with sensorimotor OCD that has tips for me?
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I am suffering brutally from looks phobia..and to get id from this I took benzidiazapams from last 15 years...is there any HERBAL CURE?
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I have recently read about harmful chemicals and azo dyes used in some clothes. Last week I bought a pair of blue jeans and they dyed my hands, handbag and other T- shirts blue. I know that wearing such a jeans can be dangerous after prolonged direct contact. The problem is that I am even afraid of touching these jeans or the handbag and then I am afraid of touching food, my face, etc. I know that this fear is irrational.
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For about the last 8 months or so I have developed a phobia of having a heart attack. I have heard of and know some people who have had them and one was a close cousin of mine who was only 41 years old when she died from it. She also had other medical problems also. Just the other day I had my annual check up with my primary doctor and found out I suffer from high cholesterol. This is new for me so of course now I'm really scared. I have already changed my diet to lower it but still the thought of a heart attack won't leave my mind. Always afraid that any minute I may have one.
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So I've been on here a lot in the past month. Worried about a lymph node- which has since gone away and it wasn't even a lymph node it was a pimple that ended up being really deep under the skin and went away on its own. Then worried about my stomach and intestines again. I have this gnawing rolling growling but it can't feeling and it feels like there's air in there and I can't get it out but my brain is like no it's probably a tumor. And I've been worried about bowel cancer. I keep checking my movements to see if there's blood in them and I'm like overly looking like is that blood or does that look kinda red or is it okay? Like its bad. I'm 24. No history of bowel cancer or anything in the family. My grandma was diagnosed with breast cancer when she was 70 and she beat it and is fine now. I had a full physical and blood test with fasting two and a half months ago. I can't keep going to the doctor but I'm going insane. People are saying if I keep worrying about it it'll happen and it's scaring me.
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Has anyone had good results with Strattera, my doctor prescribed this for me approx. 3 weeks ago. I suffer from severe anxiety, social phobia and dysthymia.
We have tried various anti-depressants. The only one that really worked was serzone. Then it was taken off the market.
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I have a fear of my own heart, I'm completely convinced something is going to happen, Sometimes when I do things that make me anxious (physical activities are the worst) my thoughts are pretty much 'it's going to happen (I'll have a heart attack) anytime soon I'm going to keel over and die' .
I've had loads of tests done and I'm healthy, just have bad anxiety.
Does anyone else have this fear / phobia? If so what helped you get over it?
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Sometimes I think I'm going crazy. I'm not being able to even hold a job right now. This makes my self esteem goes downhill and I can't get up of my bed because I fear people.
i'm a mid 30s woman and I'm not sure what made me become so sick. I have a string of failed relationships and in one of them I suffered domestic abuse. I started dating my current boyfriend as soon as my other relationship ended and had too many problems with him but we are still together. He is an ex addict and I'm always afraid he turns back to drinking and doing drugs.
sometimes I think I'm getting insane. I have panic attacks all the time, I can't process my feelings. I tried group meditation but I became too scared of people in general I just gave up. I'm locked home for a whole month now.
im truly thinking about ending my life. I don't see a point. My whole being is taken with these bad sensations, feelings, lack of hope, lack of control, my thoughts flow uncontrollable like a river and I just can't process anything. I'm getting old and I am a huge burden to everybody.
I don't wanna die. I wanted to know if anyone went through these hard times like me and was able to live again.
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I have a brother with paranoid personality disorder. He was always paranoid as long as I remember. I am 6 years younger then him. Every time when I tried to speak with him he was suspicious about my attentions, it can be rather annoying. But I restrain myself because I am aware of his situation. Since our parents have died he became impossible to talk with. What should I do?
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I'm 21 years old with a 2 year old daughter for starters. And I have been dealing with anxiety and depression totally unmedicated for about 3 years. It recently has gotten so bad that I don't even want to get out of bed, I can't make it through an 8 hour shift where I work (at a plastic factory) without wanting to breakdown. I'm trying really hard to do it myself by drinking green tea, positive thinking, taking vitamins, and small meditation breathing counting techniques. But I fear that it's not helping as much as I need it to and I feel like it is really taking a toll on every aspect of my life.
My mom really encourages me to speak to a therapist and get on medication, but I can't stop seeing that as the easy way out and I just don't like the feeling of having someone listening to my problems knowing that they have their life together enough it makes me feel really weak and vulnerable. But things are looking pretty bleak and I don't know if I have the energy or strength to keep going like this, something's gotta give.
So I was also just wondering
1 what a therapist would do for me, what a visit would be like
2 are there any medications that will uplift my mood but without any negative side effects such as insomnia, numb feeling, worsening my depression.
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I struggle with anxiety and it is so much worse during pregnancy!
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Okay, so I'm 13 years old and I have severe constipation problems. I have had them most of my life, actually. At times it is worse than others, like right now. In the past, I have seen gastroenterologists who just told me they didn't know what was causing my constipation and that I should just drink two glasses of juice a day with MiraLAX. It didn't really help.I have showed up at emergency rooms several times because of this and they always run a few tests, a scan and an x-ray, which always comes back normal, so they tell me to drink some of that gross lemon-fizzy stuff (you know what I'm talking about) and send me home. I have been taking laxatives because my mom tells me to, as well as fiber supplements, and mineral oil. Still very bad pain. The constipation started to get worse when I started taking an anti-anxiety medication, but I HAVE to take it because I have Generalized Anxiety Disorder (GAD) and the doctors tell me I have to take it. I have chest pain, and very other terrible anxiety symptoms, but it's the constipation that is currently the worst. I'm so worried I have Crohn's Disease, but my mom won't take me back to a doctor because I have already seen so many and they always tell me I'm fine. But being a hypochondriac with anxiety issues REALLY bad, I am afraid. Does anyone have any suggestions? I'm scared that this problem will only get worse in the future and that it might lead to an early death. I'm afraid I have an underdiagnosed serious problem, even though everyone says it's because I have had an anxiety disorder most of my life.
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I was already apprehensive or should I say anxious about my GP appointment today. I had a panic attack while I was there and just couldn't seem to calm down. He gave me a script for Ativan and said I need to relax. My anxiety this week has been through the roof. I've never had issues with anxiety but since all my other symptoms started I have been on edge. I can't focus on my health because i'm always thinking that something is going to happen to me. I know the numerous tests tell me I'm ok but I can't shake the doom and gloom feelings. They just come out of nowhere. Does anyone else ever feel like the doom and gloom and is this normal? I am starting to think I have generalized anxiety disorder where i'm just out of sorts all the time.
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I am 18 years old and I think I have developed an anxiety disorder from smoking weed. I had 2 small puffs of weed from when I was in my early eighteens and I got a bit high but not much at all. I was with some good friends and the effects of being high wore off. When I joined University I smoked less than half a blunt with my new friends because it was late, I couldn’t go home and it was the only thing they were doing. I had this bad anxiety attack when I was shaking, my throat was dry and I was tired. I could tell this was a bad panic attack and I felt like I was fighting for my life. I had to go to sleep to calm myself down. The next day I felt fine, I had a shower and continued with my life. A month later, I was with two of my mates and they bought a bit of weed. I had two puffs of it to regulate the amount in my mates University room and tried to remain as calm as possible to avoid a panic attack. It worked and we went to a night club. The next day I felt a bit anxious. The day after I went to my friend’s university corridor and knocked on it to let me. However, I smelt a tiny bit of weed through the door and I started to panic again. I had to lie on my bed and I missed two days of lectures. I was having fast heart palpitations, I was shaking and I couldn’t stop worrying about weed. Every time I am in a stressful moment such as getting to lectures on time makes me slightly panicky and have moments when I can feel in my head an adrenaline rush which is how the panic attacks start. I had a panic attack in one lecture while sober and I thought to myself that when I learnt my lesson not to go near weed it was too late. I have become more anti-social because I feel too anxious to be around the friends I have smoked a bit of weed with. It took 3 weeks for my panic attacks to go but my heart feels it beats a bit faster than usual. I also have this ache in my chest. I went to my GP and he said it was not due to the weed because I did very little and it was due to stress and anxiety. When I do University work and I stress a bit more my heart starts to palpitate and I don’t know how to calm myself down. Every day I have this feeling of anxiety all over my body. The weed couldn't have been laced with other drugs because my mates would have seen it was.
I worry about hearing weed and I have this big anxiety attack when I smell it which makes me not want to do anything. Has the weed damaged my body in any way? I know quite a few people who have smoked weed and they are fine. I became sick once because I smelt weed. Will my brain ever repair itself to make me feel normal again without this big anxiety attack and chest ache? I guess too much of anything is bad for you but for me, that is not the case and I hate how I feel every day.
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I have suffered with anx and depression for many years, but lately bipolar has been mentioned by my therapist. Could I run through my main symptoms and you kind people can give an opinion? I have bad anxiety most of the time, I don't have a classic high, my high is more about lack of need for sleep, don't seem to need much food, loads of creative work going on and I get really out of sorts if I'm interrupted. My downs happen generally after a high time of a few weeks, then I just crash out - don't want to do anything or talk to anyone
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I've had a toilet phobia for years now since I was like 15 and now I'm 21. It's embarrassing to talk about like I really hate it and it stops me from doing a hell of a lot things.
I'm really pouring my heart out here and I'm trying to meet people just like me with the same thing or similar as I've never met anyone like me before and I know there is people out there the same as me.
Basically I can't go anywhere without thinking about the toilet, I won't go anywhere unless I know there's a toilet there. I won't travel anywhere with other people because I'm scared what they may think with me going to the toilet all the time. My mind makes me think I need the toilet. It forms into panic and anxiety attacks so it's very hard to deal with. It's a horrible fear and it angers me to admit that the whole embarrassment is the fear of me obviously weeing myself. I've never done it but it's the fear that takes over.
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