Eating Disorders :: I Hate My Weight So Much
Mar 10, 2015
I hate my weight so much, I see myself as fat when others see me as skinny but I don't, I lie when they say how skinny I am of say how am I so skinny I just laugh but inside I feel different, I feel massive, they don't no what goes on inside my mind so when someone says a fat joke to me like I'll be fat i die inside, it's slowly killing me inside, effecting my mind a lot! The last 3 weeks I have been eating some days a lot but not loads and other day not as much. Before I would cut my calories down to under 900 but I can't seem to get back into the dieting mood, today I didn't eat until half 4 as I had my tea then a big bag of m&ms I hated myself after eating it and tried to make myself sick which didn't work so I did a bit of exercise, as I do a little bit after I eat food. It's mot all of it just the past couple weeks it's mentally killing me all day every day is weight and food,I'm terrified of going on the scale as I have eaten. It won't stop. People think I have an eating disorder but after eating so much I don't think I do, do I?
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I know I can't be diagnosed through this, but I'm starting to wonder. All I think about is losing weight, I restrict myself all the time- consuming between 0-500 calories, I take 3-4 laxatives a day and exercise as much as I can...
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People say I do but the last couple days maybe a week I have been eating normally, still haven't my weight and exercising but I've been eating, but now I will go back to cutting down because I have so much...
I can't stand my weight, I hate having showers because I can see how fat I am, i once cried in the shower because of my weight,i know stupid, but it happened. I do eat but no more than 1,000 calories or just a tiny bit over and that's a bad day, I like to keep it down to under 900 but I have had a week of eating because I was so hungry but nothing more than the calories I should be eating for my age. I am very tired of always counting calories worry about food, when I have to pick my tea in the night I am there for ages trying to work out what to eat and the calories I do eat junk food but still nothing more than 1,000 calories, we barely had fruit or veg here so I do eat 'bad' foods. Food and weight is always on my mind, it's starting to affect me in school,I think if I'm gunna est in school and it's all the time. I am actually sick of it now but I can't stop, my kind tells me I'm fat but I don't no if it's a voice or me saying it to myself, I am giving up on myself because I think this is going to be my life, I don't see a future in me not worrying and fearing of gaining weight, it has taking me mentally you could say. I hate seeing really skinny people because Ino I'm not like that and it kills me, I worry about clothes fitting me if I have to try something in in front if someone. I am a 16 year old girl, 5'2 and 99pounds I've lost 10 pounds since Nov I had a week of eating and went up to 103 pounds I was just disgusted with myself.
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I've always had bad self esteem and body image issues. But recently since I had my doctor I've started taking laxatives to lose weight. I'll take a whole box or drink a whole bottle of milk magnesia. I've cut back to only one small meal every few days and right now I haven't really eaten in four days.
I have to weigh myself constantly because if I don't know how much I weight I freak out. If I eat anything my first thought is to get it out of me. Food in general has been making feel sick lately. It's becoming gross. Even the sight of it or somebody eating is gross.
I need to eat but the number on the scale just keeps going down and I'll tell myself this is my last laxative. I'll eat tomorrow. But the number will be low and I'll think that if I do it for one more day then it'll get lower.
I'm wondering if I could be developing an ED. I'm not super thin. Infact, ever since having my daughter I'm a little over weight. Would I even be aware of it if I had one?
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I'm trying to recover from an eating disorder with hashimoto's, and I've been gluten and dairy (among other things at times) free for several years to try to manage the hashimoto's. But all these dietary restrictions are making me crazy and make the eating disorder worse. BUT i'm really afraid to eat gluten again because everyone says it will make the hashimoto's worse and/or cause weight gain and i am already weight restored and NOT keen on gaining more. Does anyone here have hashimotos and maintain their ideal weight while eating unrestrictedly? Are my concerns about gluten causing weight gain all in my head?
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I am what my doctor describes as a perfectly healthy 32 year female. I have a hiatal hernia but that may be beside the point. I had been on Paxil 20 up until September. At the end of October, I began feeling nauseous after eating and vomiting after eating supper. I do not feel better after vomiting and find it almost impossible the eat for 24 hours following. I feel incredibly exhausted after 3pm, and when I feel ill it's at or around 5pm. My blood tests are perfect, not pregnant, and up to this point generally healthy. I am looking for ideas, other experiences, and general info to find out and 'fix' what is all of a sudden wrong with me!
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I am having issues with starving myself for days at a time then eating a little bit and having this overpowering need to puke. I dont know what to do anymore. I have been dealing with these thoughts and behaviors along with self injurious behaviors for a little over 13 years, could somone please help me before I go overboard.
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I am a 21 year old female, I am 5'3 and weigh around 103-104lb (7 stone 5-6lb).
I used to be just under 10 stone a few years ago and crash dieted to lose the weight. I wanted to be 9 stone, then 8 and a half, then 8, then I was happy bouncing between 7.10-7.12 for a few months. But recently it has dropped, I was fine at 7 and a half, but as it's gone down I've wanted it to stay down. I weigh myself everyday before eating/drinking. If my weight is at 7.5 I'm not too bad, but jf it js at 7.6 I panic that I'm getting fat and will keep gaining. I try not to eat until my evening meal, which I always make sure I have, though sometimes end up snacking before if I start to feel too hungry. I have 2 cups of tea a day with 2 sugars in each to try and suppress my hunger. I also worry that when I start eating, I won't stop. Sometimes I will have a big takeaway, medium pizza all to myself, continue eating it even if it hurts, and then half an hour after, continue eating. I never make myself sick/take laxatives and wouldn't, but I sometimes try not to eat all day in case I lose control and keep eating and eating. I have anxiety/depression/ocd issues anyway and I'm worried I may have some sort of eating disorder too.
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I don't like eating breakfast. I don't like anything at all. What should I do?
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I am now 27 weeks with my first baby girl and originally weighted 185 lbs when I got pregnant since then I have lost 15 lbs and now have gradually gained it back but I am only 187 lbs..... will this affect my little girl? I eat constantly to try and gain weight but it seems I can't!
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I am wondering whether I have an eating disorder? I am currently diagnosed as having Borderline Personality Disorder with Psychosis.
I go through stages of starving myself, then bingeing, then repeating for quite a while, but now I have started to take 10 laxatives in the morning before breakfast, then 10 laxatives before eating dinner, then 10+ laxatives before bed. I am starting to get worried about what this could do to my body, but I can't seem to stop myself from taking them.
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Has someone heard about treatments of bacteriophages? It seems they kill the pseudomonas.....
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I'm a recovering anorexic, now more of a bulimic, and I need advice on how to quit laxatives... I've been using them every day for about a year, and I'm now up to 170 laxatives a day (bisacodyl 5mg)... Should I quit cold turkey, or decrease slowly? The problem is, I binge about every 3 days, so it's really hard for me to stop...
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I have been struggling with bulimia for four years and for 7 months now have been abusing laxatives every night. You don't need to tell me the dangers, precautions or future scares - I already have endeavored in extensive research and I'm scared - but cannot stop because I'm scared of the potential water weight gain, the bloat and pain of constipation (all which I have had whilst trying to cut back). I take 5-7 senna or herbal lax a night along with 1-4 bisacodyl depending on how much I've eaten.
I eat 95% fruits a veggies, drink 3-4L of fluid a day, exercise with HIIT 20-30mins/day and walk a lot (I work a few jobs, always busy). I have tried to increase fiber whilst cutting back but then don't go and get scared.
Does anyone recover from this? How did you overcomes fears and how long did it take for you to recovery and function once again to a normal life style?
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I have been battling with anorexia and bulimia for a year and a half now, and I just really wanted to share my thoughts and feelings about my recovery hoping some of you can relate.
I was diagnosed about a year ago when my family finally convinced me to get help. I've been in therapy since, but still battling with my eating disorder every day. I often feel extremely guilty about it, like this is all my fault, or that I'm doing this to myself. I know deep down that having anorexia isn't something that I would ever CHOOSE, in fact some nights I pray that I will wake up and be well again. But it will never happen like that, not without hard work. I want everyone to know that YOU DIDN'T CHOOSE THE EATING DISORDER - IT CHOSE YOU.
My ED voice has been winning most of the battles recently, and I've hardly eaten anything for the last week or so. I don't want to be unwell, and I'm trying so hard to fight this but I feel so out of control. Which is strange because some may say that I'm completely in control - in terms of controlling not eating. But I feel the opposite. I feel completely hopeless.
I want to be happy but I feel awful after everything I eat. One day I will feel free to eat what I like whenever I like without regretting every bite. And I'm going to fight hard to get there.
If anyone has anything to share, please post. And if you are reading this and able to relate, then know that you are not alone!
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hi, i'm 16 years old, and i have been bulimic for over a year. And about a month ago i have started eating less and less everyday, i mostly only eat dinner but sometimes if i feel bad afterwards i will make myself sick and get rid of it. I was bullied about my weight when i was younger and also as i had grown up more. it is something that i struggled and still do struggle with almost all my life. i don't want to keep doing this anymore, but i feel like i can't stop. bulimia basically controls my life, and i so desperately want to be "normal" and not feel like i have to worry so much about what food i am putting in my body to just make myself sick again and just get rid of it. i want to be free of this, but it is so hard.
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I have hypothyroidism too which doesn't help, but when I'm low, bored or alone, I tend to binge eat junk food and my weight is getting to be a serious concern.
The problem is I'm a 31yr old male and I don't think anyone will take me seriously. I'm not sure weight watchers classes, self-help groups and that kind of thing are really going to benefit me, but I'm just not sure what help I can get or who will listen.
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For a while now I've been struggling to eat. I think it's been about 6 months. I won't eat any cooked food and will only eat chocolates and sweets! I spend a massive portion of my time in the bathroom trying to get the food I do manage to eat out my system. I am really emotional lately as well and I don't know why?
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I don't know when I'm hungry and when I'm full. It feels the same to me. I can feel my stomach rumbling when I'm hungry, but when I eat it doesn't leave even when I've eating enough. I can feel my stomach is full but I'm still hungry. This causes me to eat a lot of food. I ate 2,000 calories for breakfast yesterday and I still felt hungry. I don't know how else to explain this. Does anyone else feel this way?
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someone i care about confided in me that she vomits so she can eat more now its become a habit and other problems too but i can't find what her other problems are....
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So I'm really not sure why I've been having this issue but I've been having a lot of problems eating lately. Basically unless I'm really really hungry like, completely empty stomach, growling stomach, hours on end without eating, I simply can't eat. The mere smell of food makes my stomach twirl and feel repugnant/disgust towards eating. If I so much as eat one spoon, my stomach instantly feels like I'm about to throw up and in many occasions where I did force more to try and eat, I ended up actually vomiting, and after that not feeling hungry for another few hours again. So unless I'm actually hungry hungry (which happens twice a day, sometimes only once) I can't eat, or I'll throw it all up, and continue not being able to eat for another few hours. I'm 178cm tall and in the past few months I lost weight, going from 61 kg down to 53kg because of this and I really need help.
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