Eating Disorders :: Food And Weight Is Always On My Mind

People say I do but the last couple days maybe a week I have been eating normally, still haven't my weight and exercising but I've been eating, but now I will go back to cutting down because I have so much...

I can't stand my weight, I hate having showers because I can see how fat I am, i once cried in the shower because of my weight,i know stupid, but it happened. I do eat but no more than 1,000 calories or just a tiny bit over and that's a bad day, I like to keep it down to under 900 but I have had a week of eating because I was so hungry but nothing more than the calories I should be eating for my age. I am very tired of always counting calories worry about food, when I have to pick my tea in the night I am there for ages trying to work out what to eat and the calories I do eat junk food but still nothing more than 1,000 calories, we barely had fruit or veg here so I do eat 'bad' foods. Food and weight is always on my mind, it's starting to affect me in school,I think if I'm gunna est in school and it's all the time. I am actually sick of it now but I can't stop, my kind tells me I'm fat but I don't no if it's a voice or me saying it to myself, I am giving up on myself because I think this is going to be my life, I don't see a future in me not worrying and fearing of gaining weight, it has taking me mentally you could say. I hate seeing really skinny people because Ino I'm not like that and it kills me, I worry about clothes fitting me if I have to try something in in front if someone. I am a 16 year old girl, 5'2 and 99pounds I've lost 10 pounds since Nov I had a week of eating and went up to 103 pounds I was just disgusted with myself.