Depression :: Tired Of Life
Jun 6, 2015
I'm a 24, soon to be 25 year old. I know I'm really young, and that's the biggest ''encouragement'' people give me generally. You haven't lived much, there's still so much ahead, etc. But the thing is, I've been depressed for almost 10 years now. I've been on and off with meds, had some ''brighter'' episodes in between the years, but basically I've accomplished nothing. I have no education degrees, no work experience. I can barely function on my own. My family lives far away, and doesn't understand my depression at all. In fact, my sister tells me I'm depressed simply because I'm just that lazy. Maybe that's true? I don't know. I live alone, and have no friends. I have just recently cut off my last tie to a person by managing to tick off my ex so badly he almost suffocated me by strangling to get his point of wanting me out of his life through. He's the father of my son, who's another point of depression. Just can't seem to be able to love the kid like I should. What good is someone like me anyway? I have no right to call myself a mother.
I've gone through abortion, abusive boyfriend, neglect and abuse from my dad, losing all my friends, being homeless, attempting a suicide through slicing my wrists open... Something bad, you name it and it's probably happened. So far, anything I've tried turns to ash soon. Relationships, jobs, even normal day to day life... I can't get a grip of any of it and I just end up failing.
I'm honestly hanging on to life by the tiniest possible thread simply for the sake of being so stubborn I can't give up. But every day is torture, and I just keep waiting on something to change, yet it doesn't. I can't find the will to live but I'm too stubborn and too much of a coward to go through with ending it. Also don't want to go through the experience of laying in a hospital bed listening to the nurses go on how ''it's another of those attention seekers''. That was devastating for me. But I'm at my wits end. How long will it go on? When does one get a happy end? How do you find a will to live through all the sh*t?
I want to die, but I can't. I want to live, but I don't know how or why. I want to move on, do something, but I don't have the strength. What should I do, really?
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I'm a 17 year old female and over the past few years I've suffered awful social and general anxiety. I've always had hypochondriac tendencies but over the past 6 months, it's really kicked in, to the point where I'm getting incredibly down and possibly depressed. In the beginning of December 2015, I developed stomach pains and cramps and immediately alarm bells started ringing. I became OBSESSED. I spent most of my day googling, posting in forums, going to the doctors. I got so much blood taken and everything was perfect, by CBC was like 2/100 or something which meant I was incredibly healthy and everything else was totally okay. I had urine tests, once it showed a tiny bit of blood and protein but I had a later one and it was totally fine. I then demanded an abdominal ultrasound and spent a ridiculous amount of money on it privately so I didn't have to wait and it came back totally fine too, so there's obviously nothing major going on. I still get the stomach and back pain but it is better and I only really get it bad if I'm walking a long distance. From what I've heard, anxiety can really give you physical symptoms. Anyway, after realising that my grandfather passed away from colon cancer, I've basically self diagnosed myself with this. I feel awful about it because I know there's people out there who are seriously suffering. I'm obsessed with checking and tracking my bowel movements, and it got to the point where I was straining to go even when I didn't need to and this led to bleeding, hence, me going even more crazy with fear. The bleeding only happened once on my stool and once from my actual ... You know, and I'm still terrified. I have no fatigue and I'm generally eating well. Another thing which doesn't help is that I think I've lost a little bit of weight, but it's most likely due to the fact that over the last few weeks I've had an exceptionally good diet and I've drunk so much water, which would obviously make you lose weight, but because I'm already quite slim, I've been worried.
Anyway, as you can tell, I'm constantly worrying about something. A headache=meningitis, stomach pain in the right means I automatically have appendicitis and the other week, I thought I had a brain tumor because I saw spots. It's getting me down and I'm convinced I'm going to die randomly one day from the cancer or whatever inside killing me. Does anyone feel the same or have any way to help me at all? Thank you so much.
I'd also like to add that I'm starting CBT and therapy but it's not often so a lot of the time I'm at home for a few weeks just dwelling on my health.
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I've been dealing with dizziness, tingly/numb hands, shaky hands, weakness, constantly feeling tired, depression, memory problems, cognitive issues such as having a hard time focusing on things and getting confused easily, headaches, abdominal pain, bloating and cramping, lower back pain, knee pain, and nausea for about a year and three months. I've had a CT scan of my head, blood test, abdominal and pelvic ultrasounds and everything came back clear. I'm only 20 but always feel sick and much older because of it. Any ideas what this could be?
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After months of suffering...I am JUST NOW finding out that all my agony MIGHT be chalked up to the debilitating menace that is anxiety and his partner in crime DEPRESSION. So, I have a lot of questions. Please share what you can relate to or have understanding about. I deeply thank you!
Before all my REALLY bad symptoms came about...I was feeling fatigued 24/7 and just overall a little glum. Things weren't terrible, but I just didn't have the UMPH! that ya want. I felt worn out constantly all day long. All the while struggling with LOTS of stress...after persistent stress and no answers from doctors even after multiple tests...I began to have even more debilitating symptoms. I was certain I had some sort of rare disease.Because this has manifested itself So physically. I never thought the source could be emotional and psychological.
1. I am so tired, brain FOGGED, and SUPER spaced out 24/7 with a miserable memory...literally my drive has vanished along with a chunk of my confidence. Can you relate?
2. I have never had a panic attack. THANK GOODNESS. But all this could still be anxiety? I rarely FEEL anxious...this is why I've never suspected anxiety.
3. I often forget what day it is..and other things of that nature. I feel as though the last few months have been a blur...There is no solid boundary between days or months or seasons...they all just mush together into one glob of nonsensical foggy memories. And I forget things that happen throughout my day WAY more than I ever have before. I make silly mistakes. Can you relate?
4. I don't have bouts...it's ever-present. ALL the time. No relief. sure, when I'm with a friend and we are in a conversation...I'm not entirely focused on the fact that I am in zombie-mode...but it's just always there anyway. can you relate?
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Hi everyone, I'm new here and I've decided to post here because I don't know where to turn. I've been feeling suicidal because I have no social life, I'm behind in school and I switched to a charter school so that I could graduate faster but this only made my situation worse. On the first day of school I went to my class and I felt so overwhelmed by the amount of people in one class. After school I went crying to the principal because I knew that my social anxiety was never going to leave me alone no matter how much I tried. So she helped me by putting me in a small office with another teacher and another girl who has Social anxiety too but she rarely ever comes to school.
Today, I was alone all day because both the teacher and the other student didn't come. I felt so alone and I couldn't concentrate on my packets (school work) which is pretty typical because I've been having problems focusing in school since last school year. I told another staff member if I could stay home and do my work instead of coming to school because I just didn't like being alone and I couldn't concentrate but she said I couldn't do that because I had to come to school so that they get paid. Honestly I don't know what to do. I can't drop out of school , there are no online school services in my area, and I don't wanna go back to a regular public school because having 8 different classes a day was a nightmare to me last year.
My parents already know of my problems but they can't help me. Honestly I don't wanna go to school tomorrow because I'm just feeling so depressed and I can't take it anymore. my dad thinks I'm procrastinating. Honestly, he doesn't understand exactly how I feel. I feel like the whole world is falling on me and I feel like I'm never going to succeed in life, which is one of the things my dad himself told me.
I don't know what to do or where to turn to. I can't dropout of high school or take online school and I can't get medical help because my parents don't have health care.
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Is anyone else stuck on such a small dose of suboxone. It's probably smaller than a sesame a seed. Still withdraw symptoms. If I don't take it 2 days I feel like I'm gonna jump out of my skin. Plus I already feel so weak tired and sneezing depression etc
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I have been having joint pain, general body pain, fatigue, depression and anxiety for years. I was dx with fibro about 3 years ago. It was first suspected almost 20 years ago. My mouth and eyes are painfully dry. My lips constantly crack. I recently had a PAP done and the GYN remarked how dry my vagina was (I'm not sexually active so I never noticed).
I recently saw a rheumatologist here in the State (I had previously seen one in Korea). She did a bunch of blood work. My Vit D was 28 (reference range was 30-70). RF, ANA were negative. CRP not done, but has been elevated in the past (multiple draws over a two year period, but none in the last year). ESR was 58 and has been elevated for 20 years (I went through a lot of blood work in high school and nothing was ever found, but it was with ID, not Rheum).
Rheum was next to useless. She said the sed rate wasn't relevant and that there was no need to worry about the Vit D (which was lower in the past) even though I was taking 2000 IU a day.
After talking to my GP, he had me increase the D supplement to 4000 IU/day. He also wrote me a new referral to a different rheum. This one specializes in seronegative arthritis.
I try to be an informed consumer. Current rheum just wants to throw more pills at the issue without getting to the root of it. It seems like if I go in with a fibro dx, everything must be fibro. How do I approach this new appointment (in September!!) to finally figure things out? This new doctor will be in the UH system as are all my other docs. I think she'll have access to previous lab results, if not I can pull them up in my EMR.
I could use words of wisdom, advice, a kick in the butt (if necessary), etc.
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I can't wait to be able to sleep any position I want especially on my tummy. 10 days till due date.. I know I'll be able to sleep better whe. Babe is here eve with having the nightly feeding.
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i am new to these discussions but I do know how many of you feel. I have mentioned that I was diagnosed with mixed connective disease, lupus, fibromyalgia and who the hell knows what else. I can't work becuause if I sit to long, my legs start falling asleep. If I stand to long, my legs start aching. I feel exhausted all the time like when I wake up in the morning, I could just as easily go back to bed and sleep my entire life away. I wish there was something in a bottle that gave you energy. I miss my old life when I used to work out all the time and had enough energy for 10 people and then one morning I woke up and couldn't bend my leg back, it just wouldn't work so my family doctor sent me to a rheumatoidologist and he is the one that took all my blood from my body, that's what it feels like sometimes, and gave me the great news of having all these diseases but no medication seemed to work. I went to another rheumatoidologist and he put me on Lyrica which helps my upper joints but my legs were in such pain I felt like it was to much to even walk down the hall. Now along with my family doctor, my rheumatologist and my pain doctor, I take Lyrica for joint pain and oxycodone and fentenal patches for pain, especially when my mixed connective disease starts up, it just brings my systemic lupus to life and I get the butterfly rashes mostly on my upper arms which adds to my stress which makes my fibro flare up and gives me pain in my legs and then it just starts over. It seems to be a cycle especially when it's hot. I also start sweating like I was in a sauna all day just on my head and face. People look at me like did you know your sweating like a pig. It's embarrassing but I don't know what to do about that so I put ice on my head at night to keep my head cool so I won't start swearing. I've never had that problem before but only since these diseases came and decided to stop on my little doorstep. I am a true believer that stress can cause all sorts of bad things including diseases. I am just going to try to start yoga but I have to absolutely force myself to do this. I start next week. The worse thing I could have done 12 years ago when I was diagnosed with all this crap was to stop exercising.
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Here's a brief background and symptoms I've been having. I've been a migraine sufferer since my preteens. Mainly migraines with aura but also morning headaches etc. about 7 yrs ago I gained 40 lbs very quickly over a 1-2 yr period and was exhausted all the time. I went to pcp office and saw a dr other than my own. She commented on my weight gain like she was appalled and asked if I was depressed. I did not feel depressed just frustrated mostly. She did a tsh test and said it was normal. I was also having what I was told was possibly ibs (mostly d but also c) and have dealt with this for the past 7 yrs as well. Skip ahead a couple years I noticed a correlation between the ibs and eating gluten products. I visited with my dr and he had me get a celiac panel. The results came up negative. I should also mention I was eating gf before the test so wonder how that may have effected the results. Fall/winter 2011 I was extremely fatigued, sore joints, muscle aches, hard time falling and staying asleep, noticed cold bothering me more ( I live in New England) so in January I found a new dr near where I lived. He basically said that it may be seasonal affective disorder even tho I told him I really didn't feel depressed just exhausted. After basic bloodwork as well as tsh and the wrong vitamin d test he said all was normal, get some rest. All I could think was gee thanks. So I saw another dr shortly after who was great but he tested me for Lyme and lupus which were both neg and also the correct vit d test which showed I was at a 6 and severely deficient. After a few months 50000 iu and then continued 1000 iu daily with some results of less fatigue. A couple months ago I started to feel the extreme leg cramps again, joint pain especially in knees and wrist, extreme fatigue as well as new symptoms of ringing in ears, dry scaly skin that I can literally rub off. I have always lost a lot of hair with showering and brushing but it seems like more lately. I called my pcp and asked for another vit d test thinking it may be related. come to find out it was a 17 so not as low as before but still low. I've done a little research and I feel like it could be hypothyroidism but I am unsure exactly what I should request for tests from my dr. I don't want to waste money on something if it doesn't seem needed. Any advice would be greatly welcome. I am just tired of being tired and frustrated.
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Is clinical depression such as in bipolar disorder ever get better on its own or does it require lifelong medications?
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I'm so confused. I was diagnosed with depression but they diagnosed me again with major depression. What's the difference?
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I really feel like I'm beginning to feel more and more mentally ill..rather people say it's going to pass..it's really not..having faith doesn't help..don't nothing helps or work..I pray and get no answers..sure it might be a test but it's really a test I'm failing at..do people ever think about others who have been praying for years and never go a answer?
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47 year old sufferer and worried. Do i have these for life and it's all down to managing them, short of surgery of course?
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I have been on meformin for about a year now. I became diabetic about 5 years ago but was able to do the diet and exercise thing until I was put on metformin. I asked the doctor about getting off of it now that my sugars have been doing good. He said that once diagnosed with diabetes I can never come off of meformin??? I cannot believe that. He can't be for real. I don't want to be on metformin for the rest of my life. I would like to be able to get off of it and just control my diabetes on my own. I did it before so I would like to do it again. How do I convince him to let me go off of metformin?
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I am about to marry and want to make sure circumcision won't affects my marriage life. I used to get irritations in my foreskin and advised to remove it.
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I just found out about my dad's kidney problem, apparently they are only functioning at 50%. He sees his kidney doctor every year to monitor the problem.
He's otherwise pretty healthy, so, my question is: will he be able to live a long life? What would his lifespan be with his kidneys functioning at 50%?
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I am a 42 year old man. I smoked cannabis almost continuously for 18 years until 18 days ago (scope the symmetry!). For about three quarters of that period I knew it was messing me up badly: gone were the giggles and the intellectual intensity, replaced by paranoia, reclusiveness, depression, mania and aggression, associated police trouble, self-harm, chest pains, erectile disfunction, etc etc et cetera. Although fully aware of all this more than substantial downside, nevertheless towards the end, I was spending £50pw on toxic-grade skunk, and it was driving me completely crazy.
Three or four weeks ago, I decided I was going to quit at the end of the world cup. And I did. I've been 18 days clean so far, and my life has changed dramatically. I've replaced talking with mad levels of exercise: going to the gym 3 days a week, swimming, walking everywhere, 2 hours of 5-a-side football once a week with a bunch of 25 yr olds. I've become a confident and witty social animal. I'm enjoying my phd studies. I've even acquired a lover, the delicate problem alluded to above being already a thing of the past!
There is life after weed; a damn sight better than the one I lived during weed.
Two caveats: I'm not sleeping well, tho' that may be due in part to the heatwave. And I'm drinking a little bit more. Previously my drinking was slightly below HMG's recommended limit; now it's probably slightly above - something I should keep an eye on, especially given that it's a symptom of my newfound enjoyment of life. Hopefully it'll settle down again quite quickly.
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Which is the medicine that can make a man impotence for the rest of his life
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In 2007, apparently for a prolonged QT I was hospitalized, given 1600 mg amiodarone and then 200 daily.Only one test was made, after five months. Ten months later I had a TSH of 38. A new cardio brought it down to normal in three months with levothyroxine and put me on Rythmol instead of amiodarone..Did the amio wreck my thyroid for life? Ever since, tests have been normal but with FT3 in the 20's. Doctor after doctor for six years have continue the levo never suggesting a T3 med (In guatemala where I live there is no Cytomel).On my own, I have tried levo doses from zero to 150 over two years with no notable change in TSH and T4 test levels but FT3 still below 30). I cannot pinpoint low FT3 symptoms among side effects from Rythmol 150, coreg 6.25, crestor 10, aspirin 100. I have not slept one night through for six years without two or three hour-long sweats/chills, nauseas, dizziness, weakness, fatigue etc.Daytime too. I'm 87 and tired of it. One stent 2010, RCA. Never felt angina or tachycardia. Any way out of this?
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anyone else who finds it hard to come off Prozac?
My last attempt to come off Prozac lasted almost a year. I have tried so hard...but I am finally admitting defeat. I am going to ask for a new prescription tomorrow. It feels like this little capsule that twenty years ago was my savior has now become my captor. It is with feeling of utter failure and slight despair that I take these pills again. I feel I have no choice. The worst thing is, I don't understand why I hate it so much.
I was on Prozac for almost twenty years until I weaned myself off almost a year ago. This was one of many attempts. During those twenty years, I was never completely comfortable taking it. I was grateful for how it worked, how it changed my life, but for some reason that I could never shake off, I just didn't like the the idea of being on medication every day. I was not at ease with the idea of having to be on a prescription - of being dependent on this little green and cream capsule - simply to feel normal like everyone else. My GP could never understand when I talked about coming off it. He would more or less say, its working for you - why change things? Just take it, and forget about it. I still don't understand why I am so uncomfortable about taking it.
I thought in the beginning, that I would be cured of my depression and anxiety, and go back to the happy person I was, then when I was 'fixed' I would stop taking it. I was told then it was not 'addictive', and it WAS only for the short term. So how come, every time I came off...I not only suffered the most awful symptoms..I also felt 100 times worse than I did before I started taking it? It is like Prozac has changed my brain, so I am dependent on it simply to have any quality of life.
With Prozac, I am relatively content, I enjoy socializing, I can run a house and 'look after' my family and my ageing parents. Simply, I just get on with my life which is a good one.
Without Prozac, I am anxious and irritable all of the time. I feel far, far worse than I EVER did in the before I went on on it. I thought I was depressed then....but from what I remember it was never as bad as this. Its hard to explain, but it is like it is self fulfilling... like Prozac itself is causing my mental health problems. I panic at the thought of having to do anything that involves social evenings, sometimes I can't even cope with trivial or ordinary things like organizing meals, or making lists. It all seems too overwhelming so I just don't do it. I get completely worked up about nothing. I fly into rages and feel awful afterwards. I wake in the morning with a nervous tummy and terrible anxiety about the day. When I physically get up and get on with it I feel better...but I can lie for an hour in bed in the morning feeling sick with nerves, and cannot find a 'place' to go in my head that is pleasant. It is always doom and gloom, and anger and sadness....and recently I have been contemplating all sorts of ways of leaving it all behind me. I can't live like this any more.
I guess it is just a case of getting my head to the point where I can see Prozac as a friend and not the enemy. I guess I blame it for getting me where I am in the first place - totally dependent on it. It's like, I have no choice in the matter. This is not how I usually live my life. I feel defeated and overpowered, even though the outcome is to my benefit. Its hard to explain. I mean, what if they find out it causes tumors, or my doctor just decides to stop prescribing it down the line. I feel trapped, no matter how I look at it.
I guess I would tell anyone thinking of going onto this drug that it is like a pitcher plant. Once you are in, you are in it forever no matter how much you try to scramble up the sides. It is not just a case of take it till you get well, then thank it, and move on. Prozac has you in its grip forever. From my experience.. I would say only start it if you can accept the fact it probably WILL be for life.
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