Depressed After Break Up
Mar 1, 2016
This friend I had she stayed with me and my boyfriend for a week and a half because she broke up with her boyfriend. She really hurt me badly. She told me and my boyfriend that she needed a break from her boyfriend and then she starts calling him and going back to his place to spend quality time with him. She does not keep to her word she said she was going to go out for Easter with me and my boyfriend and her young son then she changes it and says that she is going to spend Easter with her boyfriend and son. This girl does not know what she wants. She leaves him every time they fight and then she gets back together with him.
My boyfriend and i heard her say that she was back with her boyfriend so yesterday we asked her to leave
She told me all i do is tell stories which i do not and she called me a bitch.
We opened our place to this girl and her son and it hurts me so much i could not even sleep at all last night. I was crying, I was angry and hurt and this is the second time she hurt me because last year she harassed me over the phone and said verbally abusive stuff to me last year in texts messages to me to where i had to take her to court
After all that i have done and been good to her she treats me and my boyfriend like dirt and it hurts
It hurts so much The her boyfriend goes to the same mental health facility me and my boyfriend goes too and I don't want to go back there at all while he is there because he has caused me pain too and my boyfriend does not like that
I have been crying all night and just so angry i don't understand why she does this to me and my boyfriend
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HOW IT STARTED:
Yes, I was one of those annoying people who all the teachers liked.
Once, one of my professors even told me I was one of the "golden children" of my year. I suppose I worked so hard to get good grades because all my life I had been encouraged and enabled to do my best. I was used to success. In college I even overcame my shyness and gained a lot of good friends and a handful of real, true friends who I deeply care for. I had a part-time job in my fiend that I worked between classes, and I was looking forward to continuing my upward climb to success.
So when I lost my out-of-college job because the company had a financial catastrophe that made it impossible for them to hire me, I figured, "Hey, I'll just get another job and move on with my life. No big."
But almost a year later I still didn't have a job, and because I'm inherently introverted I had lost touch with most of my friends because they were all too far away to see in person and I'm terrible at keeping up with social media. I was living at home with my parents, sleeping in the spare bed in my sisters' room, and slowly realizing that all the people who were "Looking forward to seeing me succeed in the future" were going to be direly disappointed in me.
FIRST WAVE:
New Year 2013 brought on odd feelings. I still had hope that things would improve, but they consistently didn't. I lost a few big freelance clients that I was counting on because I made a few dumb mistakes, and that made things worse. I started crying in the bathroom for "no reason," not understanding why I was feeling so down and out when I still had potential, I just wasn't living up to it yet.
Fast forward a few months and I had basically given up on myself. I believed I was a loser, someone who had let down the many people who had trusted me with their wisdom and advice. I wasn't one of the "golden children," I was a pathetic fake who couldn't even call someone on the phone without feeling incredibly anxious, much less actually interview for a job. All the confidence I'd gained in college was gone and I felt even less sure of myself than I did in high school.
It was like the "real me" got locked in a room somewhere and I couldn't find her.
My mom noticed I was moody and finally confronted me about it, but instead of helping it only made me feel like she was even more disappointed in me and fed my unconfidence even more. Then, one day, after my mom got angry at me once again for being unable to communicate my real thoughts because I was so confused myself, my dad came out and let me sit there and cry until I had composed myself enough to speak. He was calm enough to keep me relatively calm and we discovered that the depression was probably coming from a few different sources. I was feeling lonely without my friends. I was back in my childhood home and reverting to the unconfident person I used to be. I was disappointed in myself and projecting imagined feelings of disappointment from others onto myself. I never got out of the house so I felt isolated. I wasn't making a steady income and that was stressing me out. Etc.
I decided to stop freelancing full time and get a job so I could at least get out of the house, make a steady income, and be around people. But after several interviews that were just awful because I either didn't have enough qualifications for that particular job or because I was having an off day and feeling really socially awkward, I didn't get any of the jobs.
SECOND WAVE:
I revamped my hope. But then it got crushed.
I'm still not as bad as I was last year, but I'm starting to feel like randomly crying again and sometimes my skin feels like it's going to wriggle off with how much I just want to get out of my house. I'm so afraid that I'm going to delve back into self-loathing-ville again, and I know that I sabotage myself when I'm like that. I so do not want to lost this tiny bit of momentum I've achieved, but I can't make things move faster. I can't get a job any faster, I can't get a car until I have money from a job, I can't get a job sometimes because I don't already have a car, I'm stuck, I'm stuck, I'm going crazy.
SO...
I know a lot of people around my age are going through things like this but for my particular situation does anyone know how to help me push through until things improve? I'm getting so tired of feeling so bad and I'm losing my energy trying to keep going. My parents are enabling me to stay home and do nothing but I don't want to stay home and do nothing! I want to get a job and be independent and have autonomy and start becoming who I used to be again so I can be a confident, awesome person! AAH!
Also, right now I'm not feeling so bad so I have a sense of humor, but in an hour or so I might be curled up in the bathroom crying into a towel so no one will hear me. I got on this forum in the first place because my skin was feeling antsy and I wanted to get away so badly and I wanted to know if other people felt the same way. Crazy mood swings, anyone?
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3 days ago was my first day with a cane instead of a crutch.
Stupid cane broke.
I had to walk back home on my heel with no support.
Since then, my foot has swollen, and I have pain in injury. I'm really nervous about this. I want to go get an X-ray but the hospitals are closed for the next two days. Chinese New Year.
How common is it to re-break a bone? And is it more or less likely with the pins? should the pins be removed at some point?
http://www.crypes.com/work/XRayAfter2.jpg
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A few weeks ago I asked Health Board if my anxiety has to do with my husband's controlling behavior. After several comments I realized that maybe leaving is the best option.
I am posting again about "Fear of Break Up", why am I so fearful to take action? Does anyone here have a story how they left their significant other? I know that "leave an never come back" is an option, but I guess it's more in theory rather than practice. How can I just pack and leave without a word?? One thing that I know for sure, is that I can't talk with my husband that I'm going to leave. Here's few reasons for that:
1) He will sweet talk me and asking about what he has done wrong, I can't tell him he has hurt me so much that I have no feeling for him anymore. I just can't do that.
2) I once tried talking, and it ended up him hitting me and threatening. I don't want that experience again.
3) He sometimes begs me when I somehow get my message across that I don't want him any more. I can't resist him begging and just walk away. If I were so I wouldn't have been abused all these years.
And here's a couple of reasons I can't simply decide to leave, and leave:
1) Neither of our families live in this country, and because of isolation I have no friends. Although I can stay in a hotel for a while if need be. (I also know that shelters are available for domestic violence)
2) I will be the first one in both our families who is getting divorced. I'll have to explain to all these people, who probably never understand me, why I'm leaving. Because he didn't do anything wrong and I'm the bad one. I accept that, no big deal anymore, but it's hard to explain it to people.
3) I work and study and suffer from mild depression. it's already more than I can handle, not so sure what happens when all these people accuse me and want me to go back.
I have been seeing a counselor for about two years, but she's mostly helping me with the depression part, and analyzing what's going on with me.
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