Anxiety :: Prozac For Life? Hard To Come Off?

anyone else who finds it hard to come off Prozac?

My last attempt to come off Prozac lasted almost a year. I have tried so hard...but I am finally admitting defeat. I am going to ask for a new prescription tomorrow. It feels like this little capsule that twenty years ago was my savior has now become my captor. It is with feeling of utter failure and slight despair that I take these pills again. I feel I have no choice. The worst thing is, I don't understand why I hate it so much.

I was on Prozac for almost twenty years until I weaned myself off almost a year ago. This was one of many attempts. During those twenty years, I was never completely comfortable taking it. I was grateful for how it worked, how it changed my life, but for some reason that I could never shake off, I just didn't like the the idea of being on medication every day. I was not at ease with the idea of having to be on a prescription - of being dependent on this little green and cream capsule - simply to feel normal like everyone else. My GP could never understand when I talked about coming off it. He would more or less say, its working for you - why change things? Just take it, and forget about it. I still don't understand why I am so uncomfortable about taking it.

I thought in the beginning, that I would be cured of my depression and anxiety, and go back to the happy person I was, then when I was 'fixed' I would stop taking it. I was told then it was not 'addictive', and it WAS only for the short term. So how come, every time I came off...I not only suffered the most awful symptoms..I also felt 100 times worse than I did before I started taking it? It is like Prozac has changed my brain, so I am dependent on it simply to have any quality of life.

With Prozac, I am relatively content, I enjoy socializing, I can run a house and 'look after' my family and my ageing parents. Simply, I just get on with my life which is a good one.

Without Prozac, I am anxious and irritable all of the time. I feel far, far worse than I EVER did in the before I went on on it. I thought I was depressed then....but from what I remember it was never as bad as this. Its hard to explain, but it is like it is self fulfilling... like Prozac itself is causing my mental health problems. I panic at the thought of having to do anything that involves social evenings, sometimes I can't even cope with trivial or ordinary things like organizing meals, or making lists. It all seems too overwhelming so I just don't do it. I get completely worked up about nothing. I fly into rages and feel awful afterwards. I wake in the morning with a nervous tummy and terrible anxiety about the day. When I physically get up and get on with it I feel better...but I can lie for an hour in bed in the morning feeling sick with nerves, and cannot find a 'place' to go in my head that is pleasant. It is always doom and gloom, and anger and sadness....and recently I have been contemplating all sorts of ways of leaving it all behind me. I can't live like this any more.

I guess it is just a case of getting my head to the point where I can see Prozac as a friend and not the enemy. I guess I blame it for getting me where I am in the first place - totally dependent on it. It's like, I have no choice in the matter. This is not how I usually live my life. I feel defeated and overpowered, even though the outcome is to my benefit. Its hard to explain. I mean, what if they find out it causes tumors, or my doctor just decides to stop prescribing it down the line. I feel trapped, no matter how I look at it.

I guess I would tell anyone thinking of going onto this drug that it is like a pitcher plant. Once you are in, you are in it forever no matter how much you try to scramble up the sides. It is not just a case of take it till you get well, then thank it, and move on. Prozac has you in its grip forever. From my experience.. I would say only start it if you can accept the fact it probably WILL be for life.