Anxiety :: Emetophobia - Fear Of Vomiting/gagging

Since I was a child, my fear of vomiting was a serious issue for me. As I age- the anxiety and fear has become much worse. I'm afraid for my life and general well being.

I have met a lot of people and read a bunch of online cases about the same fear. I know I am not alone. In my case, anxiety and depression is genetic from both sides of my family. More so on my maternal side. I am severely affected by this as well as thought triggered panic attacks. It doesn't help that I suffer from OCD as well. My brain is out of control and very frustrating to live a 'normal' life this way. One part of my brain knows it's just fear, negative thoughts...and that vomiting/gagging is a normal human function, however, the other part of my brain completely freaks out sending my body into complete panic attacks. I cannot express how tired my mind and body is from all of this. I'm panic stricken day and night, 24/7. My mind doesn't stop and constantly worried about getting sick or the possibility of when I can eat. Or all of a sudden I will remember something or past experience, even fabricating a familiar taste in my mouth which instantly makes me feel so sick i'm freaking out. These are my daily battles....When I can sleep, that is pretty much the only time my anxiety isn't affecting me but I have trouble sleeping as is with an overactive mind. Even brushing my teeth has become a worry as I constantly feel nauseous and gaggy because of how short my nervous system is.

I have lost about 15 lbs over the past 4-5 years. I now weigh 100 lbs roughly. This fear/phobia has tainted my mind in ways where i overthink every situation. As a food lover, i fear my overall health as I struggle to eat. The sight and smells of food...common foods i love....turn my stomach around and make me severely nauseous. When i can/do eat, i feel more nauseous from digestion.

I am not currently on any antidepressants even though my doctor suggested me to start again. I'm very hesitant as I was on them for over 13 years and feel that they have messed up my head and caused alot of my gastrointestinal issues I now face. I do however take clonazepam quite frequently when I feel out of control. Which isn't a permanent or long term goal of mine to continue taking. I know this has long term effects.

Even though I am aware this is all psychological, I can't stop this. I am 35 years old and a single mother. With this fear it makes it very difficult to care for my son when he is sick.

I have been off work now for almost 4 months because of the severity of this mental illness. I enjoy working and staying busy...but I have a difficult time even leaving the house now. I just want to enjoy life...go out with friends....take my son places without the anxiety and panic in my body and without the aid of mild tranquilizers. I need to see a Psychotherapist for cognitive therapy and maybe a hypnotherapist. ...but it's tough as both these services aren't covered under our countries health plan.

I have seen Holistic doctors and one gave me EFT (emotional freedom technique) 'tapping' methods to do on certain parts of the body that aren't helping much.