Alcohol :: I Am A Blackout Drinker - Ends In Something Horrific, Embarrassing And Shameful
May 2, 2016
I am a blackout drinker. i can go months without a drink, but all it takes is that one time, that one day, and self awareness and self control are not present. it almost always ends in something horrific, embarrassing and shameful. i spend the entire day after in bed, with my face in the pillow as bits and pieces of the night before begin coming to the surface and sheer panic and anxiety sets in. the " omg, i did it again, have i not learned from last time" .. and then i go into a deeper, darker place of self hatred and deep shame and guilt. this is usually where i say" ok, that is the LAST time!". AND .. it is again, a lie. there is no end to the things i can do while drunk. i can kiss a married man in front of his wife, i can get into the bed of a stranger, i can run in traffic, i can get physical. i am scared and i need help. i'm shocked of who i am, what i am. i don't want to be a bad person anymore. 100 % of bad, is when i drink. i am so disgusted with me. today is day 2 of being sober. the next drink i have will kill me. please help point me in the direction i need to go in because i'm really scared. my children have seen and heard enough, my marriage is over. i can't live this 1 step forward when that drink throws me 2 steps back.
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I had a vasectomy just over a year ago, my wife was 3 weeks off 45 and I was few weeks off 49. My wife made it clear she did not like condoms. I wanted to do the" right thing" when after i had a problems with a low estrogen new coil. I spoke to my doctor over the phone. My Dr told me that the NHS method would be as good as any method.
I am sorry that I had the vasectomy, the operation took 50 mins under local and yes at one point there was extreme electro pain - i understand the that the local had worn off as he did an internal cut
Since then I have suffered pain, one ball is still much larger than the other and I regularly get uncomfortable pains in my cruch. I can only go to sleep on my side with a pillow and even then there is a side pain. After orgaasm ( if you can call it that) I get pain afterwards emanating from deep inside the balls that nothing make right and I no longer get that warm feeling throughout the groin
I no longer look forward to sex -and over the past year it has dropped from 2 times to week to less than once a month.I am put off sex and it only have sex when it will distress my wife not to have sex. Orgasm almost always ends in pain that radiates out from the scrotum and testicles a little post of sex
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I first had an issue with haemorrhoids 16 years ago (when I was 23). I spent a day off work with a bad stomach ache, and straining on the toilet a few times during that day. Later that night I felt a lump, which I now know to be a perianal haematoma which isn’t a haemorrhoid, but it is very very painful and causes haemorrhoids. It is basically a blood clot which the body can break down over two weeks. Pain killers and ointments etc don’t help, the only thing that did is a warm bath. After two weeks it was gone.
Fast forward 5 years to 2001, and after a heavy night on the drink I got up in the morning and fell down the stairs, I landed square flat on my back side, which hurt, but thought nothing of it. Later that day I felt a very painful lump, it was a perianal haematoma again, excruciating painful, it changes your mood and nothing at all helps but a bath, creams are useless. But again, because all it is, is a blood clot, the body breaks it down and it’s gone after 2 weeks.
After two weeks and 2 days after the perianal haematoma occurred (basically 2 days after the perianal haematoma had cleared up) I felt a pain coming on, getting stronger and stronger, but no lump or anything else I could feel or see. This was the start of internal haemorrhoids.
It was very very painful and again all the creams and ointments simply don’t do anything, the only temporary relief was a bath. It hurt all the time, whether I was sitting or standing, I tried carrying on but people must have thought I was miserable, and people simple do not understand, it’s not like you have broken arm that people can see, and you don’t want to tell people what is wrong, and those you do tell, still can’t comprehend the pain.
I gave it a chance to clear up, but it didn’t, so I went to the doctor after a month. The GP at the time referred me. I got an appointment for 2 months later at an NHS hospital (so that’s 3 months in terrible pain, having to carry on at work!) During this time I remembered I actually had private healthcare! So contacted them to hopefully get something sorted a bit quicker.
The NHS hospital banded me 3 times, it was a bit of a factory line, and a bit off putting by a female student being shown the ropes. It was a painful procedure, and as I left I nearly fainted in the car park walking back to my car. I made it, made it home and was very pleased this should be the beginning of the end. I had a follow up appointment just over a month later.
After 2 weeks I was still uncomfortable (but better), so kept my appointment with the private hospital. The consultant there couldn’t really help, he recommended a muscle relaxant.
I went back to the NHS hospital for the follow up appointment and said that I could still feel pain. The same consultant was dismissive, questioned my sexuality and said couldn’t I just ignore the pain. My opinion of him wasn’t a good one, and I didn’t want t go back there!
The relaxant from the private consultant didn’t help. I continued putting up with the discomfort (i’d no longer describe it as pain since the banding) and it eventually went away, by September it was gone completely, brilliant!
A year later I went back to the private hospital because some discomfort had returned. I work with computers so sit down for most of the day, and I was suffering with severe pins-and-needles down the backs of my legs which made sitting very uncomfortable.
He referred me to another consultant and in April 2004 that consultant gave me an injection, which seemed to solve the problem for 4 years.
4 years later I got a perianal haematoma due to a bike ride, I got it checked at the private hospital again and it cleared up by itself in 2 weeks.
A year later another bike ride brought on some pain, and I continued to manage this with off-the-shelf treatments. I was now getting a lump after a bowel movement, this lump would disappear almost immediately however.
I went back to private hospital about the pain and was referred for a endoscopy within the NHS (because I no longer had private healthcare) in Jan 2010. That came back OK, and was banded then also. Things were fine for 6 months.
Pain came back mid 2010 so I decided to go to my new GP (new doctors since moving house) and money was getting tight for the private consultations.
The GP would not refer me, and prescribed Proctosedyl. This didn’t seem to work and I started investigating privately funded options like Halo.
I kept going back to my GP saying I was trying Proctosedyl without much success, I did think it helped but it certainly isn’t a cure.
My GP referred me to hospital for a consultation. The consultant examined me and said it was a small pile mass and not much could be done. That was not good news, but he did want to check for an abscess, so that was good news in terms of progress. I was referred for an ultrasound and went for that in Oct 2010. It was not pleasant at all.
I was then referred for an MRI. A bit worried by that, and went for that in Jan 2011, again all on the NHS which has always been utterly brilliant since the first 3 bandings I had.
All results came back OK and I saw the consultant who then did some banding in Jun 2011. 24 hours later I felt really bad, faint, very cold, shivering, sickness, and slept as soon as I got home, it was like I had some bad reaction to the banding.
The pain had been relieved though, for only a month, so went back to the consultant who did some more banding on 24 Oct 2011. Again the pain cleared up and pain came back just after a month after a bowel movement.
I decided to go back to the private consultant and to ask his opinion in Dec 2011 and he just said enough is enough and it is time to be referred for an operation with the NHS. I got an appointment for February but could not take it. Got another for April and I went for that.
I went into hospital in the morning at 8am. Had an enema at 9:30am which cleared me out good and proper. 11am they came to get me for surgery, 11:50 I woke up, felt brilliant. Then rested.
Other blokes on the ward had trouble doing a wee, one wet the bed because he couldn’t feel anything. Luckily I was fine, did a wee so that meant I could go home.
I got home at 7pm, and slept slept slept. Got out of bed at about 10am the next morning, felt very uncomfortable but I wouldn’t call in painful, afterall the haemorrhoids were painful!
I went out shopping, walking slowly. There was blood, but had a pad to absorb that.
I went back to work the day after, I was getting on fine.
The next day I needed a poo in the morning, and nearly fainted, the pain was unbelievable, and had to take the day off work.
I went to my doctor and he gave me some Lactulose to loosen things up a bit. Going to the toilet became OK after 2 weeks, but successive bowel movements were never as bad as the first.
It is now almost 2 two after my operation, and I still haven’t fully healed. I forget about it sometime which is brilliant, a true test that the pain of piles has been eradicated for me. Some bowel movements can hurt sometime, and produce some blood, but it soon stops.
There has been a lump, which used to ooze puss, but that has stopped, and the lump seems to be getting smaller, very slowly over time.
The operation by the way, was a very simple removal of one haemorrhoid, they didn’t staple, just because it was one, they simply cut it out, good bloody riddance!
So after over 10 years, and creams, bandings, injections, the proper haemorrhoidectomy seems to have solved the problem, but the reluctance of doctors and consultants to refer me for the operation is a surprising one. I have heard it maybe because the cure can be as bad as the symptoms. If someone has been struck by this horrible condition in its worst form, they wouldn’t say that!
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I went straight into it so I went from one pill, to another without a break for a period as my doctor suggested and I am 10 days into cerazette and have been bleeding for 8 of these days, I'm very worried as I have read up on it and all I've heard is horrific stories of ladies being on cerazette.
I've now completely convinced myself I'm going to bleed for the rest of my life ( can anyone give me some reassurance on this pill at all? (
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I had shingles in October 2013 followed by what was assumed to be postherpetic neuralgia. I have tried all the various medication prescribed but appear to be allergic or react to all of them and none take you pain away. I don't know what to do next, seem to go from pillar to post.
I had an xray done about a year ago as, (because I was involved in a car accident 3 months prior to the attack of shingles) it was thought the pain could be due to something else. It wasn't but the radiologist said that if I had a certain nerve 'snipped' in my back (left hand side) all should be well. Has anyone else heard of this. My doctor said they didn't have anything in writing from the radiologist to confirm this. I really feel as if nobody is much bothered about this sort of pain.
I do know for a fact that having nerve ends burnt off can stop pain. I had this done (privately when I was covered through work) in my neck which stopped the migraines I had suffered badly with for years. I no longer have private medical cover unfortunately.
I can can only sympathise with others who have suffered following shingles. The pain is HORRIFIC but the advice seems to be to take pill after pill and then If that doesn't dork have another ruddy pill.
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I was diagnosed with CS about 12 years ago after having had problems with pain in my shoulder and pins and needles in my hands at night. I was referred to my neurologist in Leeds, (I'd already had discs out at L5/S1 in 1996 which caused me to go numb all below the waist. Had an emergency operation to relieve it, my right leg is still numb.) had an MRI and nerve conduction tests, slight carpal tunnel syndrome was diagnosed. However, I developed awful pain down my left arm and re-referred, another MRI revealed further degeneration showed but he is reluctant to operate. In the meantime, I get horrific migraines lasting 24 hours at a time, radiating from the back of my head to the front, my eyeballs feel like they are literally being pushed out of my skull! I have also noticed a sore area on the bulbous part of my head just at the top of my left ear :? I lose my balance frequently too...is it time I went back to the doctors?
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I'm 17 years old & feel that I have many medical issues & am just reaching out for help in any way, shape or form. I am only going to even explain the tippy top of my issues starting with my brain not quite being all there/ mental illnesses of which I am afraid to get checked out. I will only tell my tale of how I feel I have a condition more than just fainting spells, if I told all of my problems from head to toe, this post would be the length of a book :( with that being said... my apologies in advance if you're one of few to continue on reading for its quite long. My first episode happened when I was only 4. I was sick & my mother had woken me up or I had awoken on my own in the middle of the night to take a dose of medicine. My mom placed me on our round porcelain kitchen table, my legs dangling off the side. She pours some liquid ibuprofen on a spoon, gives it to me then turns around to the sink to wash off the spoon. Within those few moments she says she caught my eyes roll to the back of my head & me falling back onto the table where she caught me. I don't remember exactly if this was around the time of which I went to a Neurologist & got an EEG done I believe? I am pretty sure the results came back as if everything was fine. I don't believe I had any more episodes until I was about 11 or 12 when in Pennsylvania visiting family for the summer. I slept on a couch of my great aunts' house on the second floor. One morning, I suppose my mom & dad & younger sister were already awake & down in the kitchen sitting at the table with my aunt. I sat up quick the second I awoke & heard voices, took a breath & headed for the stairs. As I walked down them, I had a huge headache & felt dizzy thinking I woke up sick as a dog or something. Upon approaching my family, I asked my father at the seat in my abrupt path in advance if I can sit down & that I felt very dizzy. As I voice these words I feel my entire body almost 'drain' I get real clammy then my mom says "Dad! She's as pale as a ghost, her lips are white" my dad then tells me to sit with my head below my knees, this made me feel somewhat better but I heard everyone talking & felt overwhelmed with noise & put my head up & didn't even feel like myself. I stared, pushed through my parents & headed back upstairs because I felt like laying down would make me feel extraordinarily better. I didn't make it up a few steps without losing full vision & falling with my father catching me. He brought me to the kitchen floor & put a cold, wet washcloth on my forehead. I felt somewhat relieved, then heard my mom speaking along the lines of calling 911 & getting an ambulance. This scared me, as I am horrified of needles.. blood.. pain.. the hospital.. etc. So I quick felt fine & was able to speak & objected. The ambulance took so long to arrive, I had already felt almost normal until they wanted the littlest of a finger prick, I felt all dizzy & nauseous all over but nothing happened I don't believe. Since this one, my mother was dead set on the fact that I had seizures; but was never taken to any specific doctors for anything. After age 11, I had more episodes. Each one being different in the overall symptoms, causes, & durations. I've had many a small one where I notice right away & lay down or squat or talk myself out of it. I've had a few that are larger with complete loss of consciousness. One time, I was in the shower & had cut myself shaving. I saw the blood, got scared but knew I had to talk myself out of whatever crazy thoughts I may put in my own head. I couldn't help but think of it though, so I felt my symptoms come along & called for my mom right upon getting dizzy, turned the shower off & got out.. shampoo in my hair & everything. My mom & sis came in & just stared at me. But the more they pointed out the bad things like my lips & whole body being a ghostly white & the cause of why I got so nauseous; the more I got afraid & continued to think of it. I then looked away from them for a moment then looked back at them when my sister, afraid, yelped my name. They both said I just blank stared like I wasn't there. My eyes then rolled after staring & I fell back onto the floor hitting my head on the concrete. My mother said I was shaking but my sister says she didn't see it. I came to after a little, but only my hearing did. The first words I hear were my mom talking about the hospital & 911! After having my hearing for a bit I was able to see my dad next to me with a washcloth pushed against my forehead. I said nooo I'm fine, talked her out of it, quite ironic from the time before. One was a small one that I had in my room by myself. This one was different because I hadn't fully lost consciousness & I was alone. I had just walked from my mothers room talking about an injury I was worried about on my left shin. There was a large bruise with a raised bump on my shin bone (i had hit it on something the day before) My dad told me to go ice it so I got ice & went to my room. I sat on the edge of my bed, my left leg on the bed with ice ontop of my shin & my right leg off the side of the bed. After icing it for a bit, I remember only thinking about my flippin' booboo & heard a ringing in my ears, felt nauseous, dizzy, & my vision blurred a bit. I then screamed "Mom! Mom! Leeeee!" (lee is my little sister) because I thought they were in the living room & could hear me. I felt as if I screamed with full force from the bottom of my soul yet noone heard a thing, not even my sister in law in the nearest room; so maybe no voice even came out. But I don't know because by then, the ringing was so bad it was all I could hear. I began to tremor & shake uncontrollably & fell face first onto my laptop. I didn't lose my vision fully though, I just couldn't hear, say or move anything. I layed there for what felt like 20-30 mins alone with the left side of my face on my computer just staring at the ground. After a fashion, I was able to hear my television due to the ringing slowly subsiding & my tv static-like vision slowly cleared. I talked myself to get up even if I was to run to my moms room & faint again I'd rather be with her. I walk across the house, & am quite positive all I thought of was: what happened, why, oh your leg, ouch, what is it, thinks of the worst, well now you're walking on it. I had felt my symptoms all creep up again on my journey across the house & by the time I was in my parents doorway, I had lost my vision. I got an image of my moms room in my head though from being there for a split second & was able to sit down with not being able to see with my back up against her bed. My little sister said when she saw me randomly appear at moms door that I didn't look like myself & was staring off to the right the entire time. (when in other times, my eyes would roll or just stare straight) during this time on the floor I heard everything but didn't see.. all my family's voices & could hear myself trying to talk myself back to reality. I truly felt like I was dying almost, my brain was there but my body wasn't. I was somehow able to talk myself to a vision where I see my mom chaotic as ever, my sister frantically crying & my dad to my right just as calm as ever standing with his arms crossed yelling at me for not answering my little sister when she asked if I was okay when I came into there room. I felt horrible because I didn't know she had asked anything, as I could not hear & I could not even see her in the room let alone have been able to give an answer verbally anyways. By this time I questioned why my father always seemed fine when these fainting spells happened to me whereas my mother screaming, yelling, making me think of the problem & making it all the more chaotic & worse for me. I thought, my dad has got to have these. If he always knows what to do for me, then he must have had them when he was younger or been around them so that's what I told my mom later that day. She then said she had said something about it to him earlier & he said he used to always get those by himself or before he was about to give blood or something. I knew it had to be hereditary & I know my dad has never went to a doctor or told anyone of it because he is so fearful of the doctor, the results, all what could really be wrong with him. Because I have that extreme fear myself but just as much as I'm scared, I am curious as to what is wrong with me. Scratch that, us. Because I know once I begin this journey, he'll be the one all the history would be linked to & I know once I try to find out all what's wrong with me, they'll need to find out all what's wrong with him as well. The last few were between 12-16. As of today, I'm 17 turning 18 this December. I'm afraid to pursue anything in my life because of this. I haven't got a permit, job, hardly go out anymore & deprive myself of doctors visits I know are necessary. Everyone gets hurt in their lives, & it'd be my dream to one day have children. Now, if I can't even deal with a shot, bruise or cut how am I to deal with a fracture, broken bone or even getting pregnant someday!? I've been doing a lot of research lately because I'm more curious as to how to deal with getting what I have dealt with. There's a lot that I feel I have thats related to some form of syncope possibly? As I mentioned before, my mother thought I had some form of seizures but I don't feel they're that bad, I don't foam at the mouth or anything but I have shook during some. I think it could be Vasovagal Syncope, or situational syncope (due to medical accidents being the main trigger) I also, my mom recently told me which I never knew, have heart issues. Something like a murmur or irregular beat or something like that, she doesn't remember. But I know this is part of it, along with my brain being messed up. I know I think very differently than I should, pretty sure I've got OCD and some kind of anxiety disorder/hypotension? I just really want to know if furthering this unknown investigation would be worth me confronting my worst fears for. Cause I know if I get blood drawn or he littlest test done I'm sure they'll see me passout so maybe it'd all be a good thing but I am so afraid. I just would like any feedback from anyone if possible at this point. I'm fed up with feeling so sick from head to toe inside & out. Has anyone had any experiences like these? Has anyone any advice for me?
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I'm not a heavy smoker, i'll smoke like a few times a week. The first time I tried salvia, I hit a bowl of it with some weed sprinkled on top and right after I took it in. I lost control of my body and I fell face first on my table and my nose started bleeding. I thought this was because I also took an adderall earlier in the morning and I smoked before. Something similar happened to me the other day except I was only hitting a regular bowl with batch. Right after I took it I lost control of my body and felt like I blacked out for a second and fell to the ground. Next thing i realize I'm on the ground and my friends said I was shaking. I smoked weed earlier that day to but nothing like this has ever happened before while smoking week normally.
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i smoke weed on a pretty regular basis and last night i smoked with a group of people and afterwards me and several people in the room all started smoking cigarettes in the same room. it was a garage with the side door open. about half way through my cigarette i put it out and me and my friend were leaving to go home and as i was walking through the house i started feeling dizzy and was holding my face and without knowing ran into someone and fell on the floor blacking out for maybe 5 seconds and then got up and felt extremely hot for a few minutes and then i was fine. what could have possibly happened?
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okay so i was smoking weed in my friends porch last night and i didn't really even smoke a lot but then all of a sudden i started hearing ringing and it blocked out people's voices then my vision went black and the next thing i remember was hearing people say are you okay? and then i started seeing the people about 10 seconds later, and i didn't even believe that happened for the longest time. but after that happened and i sat down i felt fine the rest of the night, and i don't think it was laced or anything because no one else got like that and everyone else felt fine, but would you know what could've happened?
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I'm 16 and i've had small blackout spells for a while i think since i was 12. i would stand up and my vision would go black. it would turn into tunnel vision, where i would see black all around my peripheral vision and i can faintly see the middle which is the only thing not completely black. I would walk into one room to the other and my vision would go out as well. i get dizzy and have to stop walking and i feel like i'm gonna fall backwards. i've been borderline anemic but healthy, with a reasonably exceptional low iron level. its not too dramatic. but i'm just getting sick and tired of it. i would go to doctors but forget to mention this to them but every doctor i've been to don't see much wrong with my in my blood or in my vision. i wear glasses so i visit the eye doctor often. i just wanna know what's wrong. any ideas. i only get black vision and dizzy. thats kind of it.
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a couple of times when i've been smoking weed i've collapsed and properly blacked out the first time was when i was quite young and was smoking hash and the past few times have been been in the past year and has happened around 3 times all 3 times i hadn't eaten much that day apart from some breakfast and I'm not sure if that has anything to do with it but i just wanted to see if it has happened to anyone else and do they know why or anything of the sort
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Has anyone else had a blackout or faintness when exercising whilst having atrial fibrillation?
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I am possibly thinking of paying for a private home detox. They have suggested it will be using valium as opposed to Librium. I was just wondering if anyone else on here had been through one?
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I am diagnosed with major depressive disorder. I know this sounds bad enough, but there is one more problem with me. I like to drink alcohol; no matter I know I should not do this. My last doctor prescribed me Paxil to treat this disorder. Now I would like to know more about this drug, and what happens if I mix Paxil with alcohol?
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ok guy so, recently had a bout of depression and anxiety after having my baby, seem to b over the worst as no longer having the depressive low moments only problem I am left with is insomnia, and a little bit of anxiety on a morning been on sertraline for 3 weeks, my husband and I wanted to watch a movie with a takeaway with a few drinks but worries about drinking incase I wake up depressed in the morning? Advice please
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new to this Flu stuff. Have read the sheet with the tabs and it said nothing about taking it and still drinking alcohol so I am curious if this is a bad combination or just "not good".
Don't drink a lot but I do like the odd glass of wine with dinner.
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OMG after my bladder totally settling down after going on HRT and a bladder med I had a few glasses of wine on Saturday for my birthday!! First drink for weeks and weeks...bladder now upset again. Nothing like it was but upset none the less. Why did I do that!!!!! I hope it settles again...anxiety is raging!
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A week before my op and post op I have given up alcohol. We usually share a bottle of wine at the weekend but with the meds I don't think I can. Is this the same for you?. Only three weeks to go, just in time for my wife's birthday.
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I take zopiclone as and when I need it - it usually ends up being once or twice a week (for about 6 weeks now.) A week ago I was going to a wedding, wanted to be well rested for it so I took 1 7.5 mg at around midnight and woke up at 7ish ready for the day. The ceremony was in the afternoon so I didn't start drinking until around 3pm (15 hrs after taking) however as soon as I had had a few mouthfuls of wine I came over a bit strange. Dizzy and felt like I'd drank more than a few sips. Started to feel a bit panicky and left my friends to go for a walk in the grounds. (I suffer from anxiety anyway so this isn't that unusual.) Whilst out there I felt unstable on my feet and had a fall, grazing my knees and spilling wine on my lovely new dress! I didn't trip... I don't really know what happened but my boyfriend saw me and says I just fell over nothing!! I had only had a few sips at this point so I couldn't blame it on the drink alone! During the wedding breakfast a few hours later I thought I was going to fall asleep in my food. But thinking it was just me being a massive weirdo and not at all putting the two together I continued to drink. I got very drunk much quicker than usual and was a general mild embarrassment to myself but fortunately no other injuries or major incidents! Anyway I know they say don't drink while taking zopiclone but I always assumed it meant that night! As in don't take it with alcohol or take it when you get in from a night out. But now I'm thinking was 15 hours enough time to leave AFTER taking?!!! It might just have been a bad day for me but I'm not normally that clumsy that I go falling about all over the place after a few sips of wine. Any comments or experiences would be welcome! I might just be looking for an excuse for being such an embarrassment but either way I think I will avoid taking the night before an event like that again
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I am a 29yr old male, in good shape and not obese. I had my first gout attack 2 years ago, most certainly due to high blood pressure (on meds now). About 6 months ago I had a bad fall and injured the same toe that had previously gotten a gout attack, so I had a resulting 2nd gout attack. I had uric acid of 7.5 and started taking Uloric.
I read alcohol (especially beer) is very bad for gout. I can't say that I've ever noticed alcohol to cause an attack, maybe a few times my big toe has been a little tender the day after drinking a little too much, but never an attack.
So my question is how would you know if alcohol affects your gout or not? I'm a social 29yr old and drink pretty regularly, so I'm worried that it's hurting my gout without me knowing it, if that makes any sense.
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